Works-For-Me Wednesday: Monthly Receipt Envelopes

This tip may be something most of you do anyway but I'm going to share it in hopes of helping other organizationally challenged people.

I bought my daughter a gift card to Build-A-Bear Workshop for Christmas. She was so excited to go use it so off we went. After being there for about 2 hours we were finally finished and it was time to pay. Girly Girl proudly whipped out her gift card to pay and the girl swiped the card. Then she swiped it again. And again.

There was no balance on the card. None. And even though I had written in my checkbook the debit for buying the card, I had no receipt.

I tore my purse apart, still no receipt. So I had to pay for the bear because I had no proof of ever purchasing the card.

So, after that hard lesson, I started carrying an envelope in my purse each month. I label it with the month and year and I put every single receipt in it. Every credit card receipt, every debit card receipt, every cash receipt. That way if I need to return something, I know right where to go and if I never need proof of buying something, I go right to my trusty envelopes.

For more great ideas, visit Shannon's blog.

Well, my kitty is diabetic and has a urinary tract infection. Apparently excessive urination is a symptom of feline diabetes. I didn't even know cats and dogs could get diabetes. She stayed overnight at the vets and I'm supposed to call this morning and see how she is.

I went online last night and researched feline diabetes. Do you know that I may have to test her sugar just like a person does? And that I may have to give her insulin shots? She will have to eat certain foods and may even have to eat more on a schedule.

The kids were so happy to find out that she was going to be ok, we've had her for almost 7 years. Our new kitty has been lost without her, it's so cute how close they have become. Now I have to get new kitty to the vet, make sure she's not already pregnant, get her fixed and get her shots.

And our dog needs to get his shots as well. Pets are expensive!

Miss Moody had another normal day at school. Maybe just maybe things are turning around. Things are quiet online too. I keep waiting for it start up again though, I'm not convinced these girls have learned to keep their mouths shut yet.

Sonny Boy has a soccer game tonight so we'll be out pretty late. He's enjoying it though, I just wish it were closer.

Girly Girl is getting in trouble almost daily in class. She's gotten in more trouble this year than all her school years combined. I think I may have to go in to talk with the teacher and find out what is going on because something just doesn't seem right.

I've decided to get back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon again. Rather than go to meetings, I'm going to do it online. I've gained back the 7 pounds I lost before the holidays and I just don't like how I've been feeling. I need to take better care of myself because how can I manage all the craziness in my life if I'm unhealthy from eating junk all the time? I will probably just post about my weight loss journey here and get rid of my weight loss blog. One blog is hard enough!

So, since I'm on the subject about getting healthy, share with me some healthy things you do for yourself.
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Update on my cat: Talked with the vet, my poor kitty has a large tumor under her tongue that is inoperable. I can bring her home because she is still eating and drinking and she's not in any pain. I just have to monitor her carefully and if I notice she's not eating or if she appears to be in pain, then it will be time to have her put down. My kids are going to be so sad.

Miss Moody had a good day at school yesterday. When she arrived at gym class, the principal was there and the female gym teacher actually hung out in the locker room to make sure nothing happend. After the girls were dressed, the gym teacher and the principal talked with UTBBF. Of course, she denies ever saying anything. Miss Moody said she was crying and just carrying on.

You would think these girls would realize that I'm not backing off anymore and that with every threat, I'm going to call them out on it and get them in trouble if I have to.

And actually, right now with the other 2 girls things are silent. So I think we may be making progress.

I'm taking my cat to the vet this morning and I think I may have to have her put down. She's an old kitty and she's become incontinent. I had to throw one of her beds away yesterday because she had peed on it and the worst part is she's just laying in it. Thankfully I had an extra bed and she's now sleeping in it. She's not doing a whole lot either but she is eating and drinking and she's still just as friendly as ever. I don't know. I've never had to make a decision to have a pet put down. I just don't want her to suffer.

Just thought I'd share a few pictures of us from the wedding this weekend.

This is my sister, Girly Girl and me.

This is Miss Moody and Sonny Boy. They are actually getting along here.

This is Girly Girl and JR. She looks just like him I think.

I cannot believe that I am actually able to upload pictures now. Fast internet is the bomb.

This morning was a typical Monday morning. No one wanted to get up, including me. Girly Girl wanted to wear a skirt to school but the first one she picked out was too small, so was the 2nd one, finally she was able to find something that fits. I swear I can't keep her in clothes right now. She did manage to get her tights on without shredding them. She was in a hurry to get ready and finish her morning routine because she just had to get online and go to barbie.com because she had left Barbie a message yesterday!!!!

My rule is you have to have your entire morning routine done before you can do anything else. It was so funny to watch her making her way through everything. Usually she is the last one done.

So she's brushing her teeth and Miss Moody gets online. Oh boy, talk about a blow up.

See, Miss Moody thinks she owns our computer. I mean, how dare any of us want to get online, the nerve.

I am so not a morning person and I hate when my kids argue and bicker anyway but in the morning, I really hate the fighting and bickering.

Girly Girl finally gets online but then she doesn't want me to know her password for barbie.com. I told her she would tell me or she wouldn't get on there. I was surprised by that and I was already in a bad mood so I told her she could either tell me her password or not get online. But she ended up not remembering her username or password so she had to start over.

The kids all got their report cards on Friday. Sonny Boy brought 2 of his C's up to B's, I am so proud of him because he struggles but he keeps on trying. Girly Girl's report card stayed the very same but her teacher did write down in a nice kind of way that she is a busybody. So I asked Girly Girl about it and of course Mrs. T is wrong. I don't know. I mean, part of me feels like Mrs. T needs to give me examples so I can talk with Girly Girl about it. I guess I should've wrote her note asking for her to do that. I just told Girly Girl to focus on her school work, stay out of any business that does not include her and if there is an argument or fight in the classroom, she is to get as far away from it as possible.

I emailed Miss Moody's principal and gym teacher to give them a head's up about UTBBF's threats. I'm praying things go well today.

I'm fed up though now. It's time for us to have our lives back. Miss Moody is going back to field hockey this Friday. She's going to school with her head held high, she's going to start hanging out with friends. It's time.

Here I sit feeling guilty because I didn't make it to church this morning. Of all the weeks I really needed to be there, I'm not. I don't have a good reason either. We were out late, I overslept and hubby wanted some attention (blush). I just wasn't watching the clock so....

We had a good time at the wedding. The kids danced and ran around. We danced and spent time with family. The kids even requested for our wedding song to be played so we could dance. We stayed until the end and helped clean up. So it was a late night.

I'm happy to report that I have not taken a sleeping pill in a week and I've actually managed to sleep some. Even with all the stress of this past week.

But in order to stay honest and for the most part, open, I have to admit that I drank 2 glasses of wine last night. I wish that I hadn't. Not that I was intoxicated, it's just that I made a commitment to stop and I gave in.

This is when I start struggling with my faith because I am never completely able to be "good". I'm not saying that drinking 2 glasses of wine is bad but for me, I feel that it is.

And see, when I stumble like this, I usually just turn and give up. Mainly because I don't want to be a bad witness. I don't want someone who does not know the Lord to see me and think, why bother? I don't want to in any way make God less than He is. Maybe that's giving myself more power than ever possible. Sometimes I wish that more Christians would be open about their struggles with the more taboo things. Sometimes I feel like the only Christian that struggles this way but it is a personal thing and some people just aren't comfortable sharing things like that. I just feel like the odd man because my life seems so different compared to others.

I don't know. It's hard for me to put in words how I feel. If I were to try and sum it all up in a nutshell, I guess I would have to say that I always feel like I'm failing, that I'm never going to measure up so why try?

This afternoon we are going to my in-laws for dinner, it's actually a belated b-day dinner for hubby. At least now I don't have to worry about cooking anything.

I'm struggling with feelings of fear about Miss Moody going to school tomorrow. I just don't know if UTBBF will try and fight her in the locker room. I really don't know if she will. I know the girl is angry and she blames Miss Moody and me for everything. It's not so much that I fear that she will hurt Miss Moody, just because they are about the same size and Miss Moody is strong and athletic. It's more that in the locker room there are no adults and there are a lot of girls that would love to see a fight. So rather than run and tell the teacher, they'll just watch it. I don't like that.

I've been looking into some private schools in the area. There is a Christian one but it doesn't have sports programs for girls and I'm not even sure if they are accredited which would hurt her with colleges. I'm not sending her someplace that could hold her back later on. I'm not sure if they even have honors classes or anything either. So I don't think that school is an option. The other private school has a lot to offer and could actually help her with college but I don't know if we can even afford it.

I'm just praying that we can get things to calm down enough that we can keep things as they are.

Maybe I'll post pictures from the wedding if I ever get them off my digital camera. JR will probably end up doing it just because I always forget.

Well, we bit the bullet and got fast internet here at home. It is wonderful. Now I can be online whenever I want to and it won't tie up our phone line anymore. The very best part is it's fast!!!

Used To Be Best Friend is still running her mouth. Apparently she was telling people she was going to fight Miss Moody in the locker room. It didn't happen but she did get nasty with Miss Moody, accused of her telling another girl not to be friends with her. This other girl, I'll call her AC, had a lot to with things escalating over the weekend. She's a trouble maker and enjoys drama. She and UTBBF should get along famously.

So I called UTBBF's mom, let her know there was still some stuff going on and that she really needed to work with her on letting this go. The mother is at her wit's end and she told me that UTBBF got her myspace deleted before she could view it. I'm not surprised because it was horrible. Of course, I've got it printed out so if her mother wants to see it, I can show her.

Dr. Phil had a show on bullying today and I tried to watch it. But they kept showing this video of this girl getting beat up by 3 other girls and it hit so close to home that I just cried and cried. I finally had to just turn it off.

I just hate feeling so helpless. I feel like this is never going to end. I mean, because really, I can't make any of them really stop. It doesn't seem to matter how often I get them in trouble.

Homeschooling is looking more and more appealing. I just can't imagine doing it because I need to work. I've been thinking about private school, she's even been open to it which shows me how much all this is getting to her.

Keep us in prayer.

Tomorrow my sister's stepson is getting married so I think we'll have a fun evening. The kids always enjoy wedding receptions because JR and I always dance with them.

Sonny Boy had indoor soccer tonight. After the game the whole team went to dinner, it was nice getting out. We needed it.

Can I just say one more time, that I am loving this fast internet?!

I know, simple things amuse simple minds, right?

Well, yesterday was the longest day I've had in awhile. I spent the morning with the principal, the afternoon on the phone with parents of the girls that are harassing my daughter.

I've been doubting myself since yesterday. Did I do the right thing? My main concern was making it worse on her. I explained that there are no guarantees that we can get them to completely stop, that things could get worse. But I felt it was time to act and she agreed.

The principal did as much as I could really expect him to. I felt that he listened to us, he was honest and he worked with Miss Moody on trying to make her day as comfortable as possible.

But she did not want to stay. She cried and cried. But I knew she had to stay, that she had to face everyone, that we couldn't postpone it all.

And boy was she angry with me when she got home.

Apparently the principal told all the kids he talked to that the police had been contacted. I could see him telling Used To Be Best Friend that but not these other kids. Maybe he used it as a scare tactic? Maybe he misunderstood who we did talk with the police about. I don't know.

The school is a small one, we live in a small area where you know everyone and they know you. Which translates to everyone knowing everyone else's business. So, things can spread like wildfire and because we are a quiet, rural area with little crime, having police brought into a situation is a big deal. Perfect gossip. Especially for a bunch of preteens and teenagers.

Miss Moody just wanted to move on but everyone was bugging her, wanting to know what was going on, what had happened. Who called the cops? Why? Who's getting arrested? I know it was endless.

And I know today isn't going to be much better. By next week the kids will have moved on to something else.

I do think it may get worse before it gets better. These girls are angry that I busted them. They are angry that I have proof, taken from their very own myspace pages. They are angry that I have made their parents aware of their behavior. So, if they didn't like Miss Moody before, they surely do now.

Therein lies my problem. Did I do the right thing? Should I have remained silent?

I don't know what we are going to do about indoor field hockey. If she goes, she'll have to face every single one of them. Not that I think anything will happen but I'm not completely confident of that. It's more about how awkward and weird it would all be, how I know the parents will want to discuss it and you know, I'm done now. There is nothing left to say. I'm going to leave field hockey up to Miss Moody. Mainly because I don't want to force her anymore then I've had to so far. But then we've had to change so much in order to try and stay away from the trouble. It's like we've had to change almost everything while these girls keep on as normal. Which is their whole point, wouldn't you say? Isn't that what bullies want? I've contacted the coach but haven't heard from her so far and I may not. She might not want to get involved.

I've been trying to be understanding and respectful of her feelings, trying to remember what it was like being her age. But last night when she was angry and really coming at me, I lost it. I'd had enough. Because this hasn't only affected her, it's affected our entire family. I have spent so much time over the last 3 months, keeping her straight, monitoring everything that I'm tired and worn out. I don't have much left for her brother and sister and that's not fair to them. Like last night, I don't think I had real conversations with either of them and before I knew it, it was time for bed. And I know this has been very hard on her and I know when you are a teenager, you can't see past yourself, it's all about you. And really, it has been all about her lately.

And I was so frustrated because I felt like she was being so ungrateful. When I was growing up and being bullied, I had to deal with it on my own. I didn't have anyone that was willing to go to the principal for me or even to the police. And I was bullied but I learned to take care of myself.

But she doesn't know how that is because I've always been there for her and she knows that I'll take up for her.

And she doesn't realize how awkward and uncomfortable this is for me and her father. I mean, we're telling people how bad their kids are behaving and let's face it, no one likes to hear that about their kids. Some parents even get offended, won't believe you and it can get ugly. Thankfully that hasn't happened so far here but it's still awkward. I don't like confrontation, who really does?

So, I called her down on a few things. Our emotions were just all over the place and we both needed to just chill out. And after my little melt down, everything calmed down and the rest of the night wasn't too bad.

I'm dreading her coming home though, just because if she had a bad day, I'll feel responsible and then I'll feel guilty.

I hate doubting myself.

It's almost 5am here, I've been laying awake for some time and decided I needed to get up.

I'm here asking that you would pray for my daughter, Miss Moody.

Things have gone from bad to worse regarding the bullying she's been dealing with for about 3 months.

It's so bad we actually contacted the police yesterday to see if we have enough to have at least 3 girls charged with harassment.

We do.

This morning JR and I are headed into school for a meeting with the principal. I have a ton of things I printed off the internet yesterday, my evidence I guess you would say. I also have her cell phone.

This is a complicated mess, involving kids from another school as well as our school.

I'm so weary right now. I just don't know what to do but I know I have to do something. I've been sitting back and just waiting to see if things would blow over. But they're not. And now I'm concerned enough for my daughter that I have to step up.

But really, there's no guarantee that if I step up, we can get this to stop. By getting these kids in big trouble, it could actually escalate things.

I hate feeling helpless.

It's so frustrating. We took Miss Moody's cell phone away almost 2 months ago. We gave it back to her Friday night and had to take it away Saturday night. She didn't even do anything wrong but we had to do it in order to cut off the communication. Yesterday she was online, chatting with her friends, minding her own business and it started. So I had to yank her offline.

She's getting punished all the way around.

I know she's not perfect. I'm sure she has said things back, said things about these girls. She is after all, human. But I know for a fact that she is not harassing anyone. I know that she doesn't have inappropriate things on her myspace, I know she's not threatening anyone on AIM. How do I know? Because I check. Every single day. And she knows it. If she's chatting online, I stand behind her to see who she's talking to and what she's talking about.

Where are the other parents in all this? Do they not even bother to check up? Obviously not because if they knew what these girls are talking about doing, what they have done, I would assume they would be taking action. For example, these girls talk about partying, drinking alcohol, having sex. They are 13 years old. 13!

I have tried to talking to the parents but nothing has changed.

So now I have to go another route.

I don't know if I'm going to have to pull her out of school. Bascially if I'm not happy with how the principal chooses to handle things, I will have no choice. And another thing is Miss Moody will be going to high school next year and she'll be going to school with all these girls then.

The stupidity of these girls is huge. They are online threatening to beat up my daughter. I have it printed out with their pictures right next to their comments. I guess they thought that nothing would ever come of it?

Well, I've printed out everything. Everything. So I'm armed and as ready as I can be.

I don't know when I'll be back online again. I've taken the whole week off work to get all this taken care of.

Please pray for all of us but most specifically for Miss Moody, her name is Ally. Her emotional state is not good and I'm very concerned about that.

I'll be in touch as soon as I can. Thank you so much.

Brrrr....it is cold this morning. We might even see some snowflakes tonight, nothing major though, the kids are bummed. Honestly, I wouldn't mind some snow, one good snow storm would be all the kids would need. But then if we don't use our snow days, the kids get off earlier for summer so it's a toss up.

I was able to get off work yesterday at noon. It is so S-L-O-W in here right now. Anyway, I went home and rested until the kids got home. I was able to make it to yoga. This week we did some different poses and stretches and I really feel it in my hips and legs. I'm glad I went, I feel so much better afterwards.

Tomorrow night the kids are going to my in-laws for a sleep over. My SIL's kids are going too so that will be one busy house. I'm hoping JR and I can go out for a nice dinner and enjoy being by ourselves.

Tomorrow my fellow cookie mom and I are turning in our initial cookie order so the fun is about to really begin. We're going to have 2 cookie booths this year and we may even tailgate in our neighborhood. Hopefully we'll do as well this year as we did last year. One of our power sellers (lol) bridged up this year though so we'll see.

Saturday I plan to clean my house. I mean, really clean it. The house is a source of stress for me right now so I need to take care of it.

Sunday I plan to go to church. I'm really looking forward to my Sunday school class. And I guess I'll be watching football to see who wins the playoffs this weekend. I think it's going to be the Saints and the Colts that will make it to the Superbowl.

What are your weekend plans?

I am so tired this morning. I decided to not take a sleeping pill last night and I didn't sleep, it was more like I was dozing, completely aware of what was going on around me. I finally just got up at 3:30am and watched tv, I dozed off and on until I had to get up and get the kids moving.

Ugh.

I'm supposed to go to yoga tonight, it is relaxing so I should probably go but I know I'll be dead on my feet by this afternoon.

Homework should be fun, Wednesday nights is usually sentence night for both Sonny Boy and Girly Girl. Girly Girl does pretty good with it, Sonny Boy not so good. As a matter of fact, he hates it. Well, he hates all homework. He also has a book report to work on which is a struggle every single month. I have to make him read his book even though I always go to the library and find a selection of easy readers that I think he would enjoy so he can choose one. I just get tired of the hassle every night with homework and then the book reports. I'm also having some problems with his reading help at school. I had to have him removed from one tutor but in doing that, he now misses his gym classes and will have to go with another class. He does not want to do that, even though he knows every single kid in the other class. He hates missing gym and I just don't know what to do. I know if I take him out of reading help he's going to go backwards but I also know gym is a good outlet for him. I also know that if I take him out of reading help, he will then be expected to do work that is much harder. Right now he's in Title 1 which helps him regarding teachers and the work they give him. I also have to look ahead to middle school, he goes there next year and if he goes there still in Title 1, the same applies.

Sounds like I'm grumbling, lol.

I have completed my first week in the bible study I'm doing online. I joined a yahoo group and there's like 43 of us doing it together. I'm happy to say that I have been keeping up with my reading but it is a lot. I need to break it up into smaller parts, like read a bit in the morning, some over lunch and the rest in the evening. I love hearing what other people notice in the daily readings, gives me something to think about.

I'm off to visit some blog friends and I need to get some breakfast. I'm a little sick to my stomach, I think because I didn't eat dinner (I was too full from eating a large, late lunch) and I'm so tired. I need a pick me up.

I mentioned that I just started a Sunday School class on the Book of James. One scripture that my teacher pointed out to us has just stuck with me ever since and I keep going back to it.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

My teacher said that God never changes, no matter what it looks like.

It's such a comfort to know that even when you don't feel God, He's still there, still the same.

And let's face it, in this ever changing world, it's a huge comfort to have a God that doesn't change.

"Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4

This was another scripture my teacher focused on and one statement he made also stuck with me. He said "you can either grumble or grow." Wow. Basically we can grumble about our trials or grow in our trials.

I have to admit I have spent way more time grumbling.

How about you? Do you grumble through trials?

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Wow, 2 posts in one day, can you tell I am bored at work?

I have a game to play while I wait for the phone to ring, I can't stop playing it, my highest level is 8. Check it out, see if you like it.

Wow, this weekend flew by. Did it for you?

Friday night we went to Miss Moody's field hockey game, well she was supposed to have a game but there were basketball games going on and there's only one gym. Some scheduling mishap or something. I don't know but it was disappointing.

Saturday I went shopping with my sister. Her step-son is getting married on the 27th so she needed to find something nice to wear. That is the first time in years that we went shopping and it was relaxed and fun. I almost didn't go, Sonny Boy had a friend that stayed the night on Friday, he had a birthday party later in the day, I knew JR was going to go hunting but I decided that I was going to go, I had told her that I would. I left JR with all 3 kids plus an extra and a list of who needed to be where and when and off I went. I didn't call home once either,even though I wanted to but I figured JR's a big boy, he can handle it.

And he did handle it but I didn't hear the end of it all night. As a matter of fact, he made me angry and even though I know I'm not supposed to let the sun go down on my anger, I'm still a little miffed with him. I rarely do anything by myself on the weekends and you all certainly know that I try and take care of most things regarding the children, keeping their schedules, getting them here and there, the normal stuff moms do. And even though I would like for him to step up and help more, he just doesn't. He's used to working and coming home and I've taken care of everything. And let me tell you, when I got home on Saturday, he was done with it all and pretty much let me know it.

And rather than being understanding, I was like get a grip, you had the kids alone for 5 hours and had to take one to a birthday party, big deal. It's not like you had to change diapers.

Grrr....

I went to church on Sunday, I figured I really needed to go, lol. I went to the early service because we had our nephew's birthday party at 1pm. I really liked going to the early service and then I decided to stay for a new Sunday School class on the book of James, on how to deal with your anger. Isn't God funny? I knew I needed to stay and I'm glad I did.

But I'm still a little miffed.

The kids are home from school today but I have to work until noon, gotta get the bills out. Next week they have Monday and Tuesday off, I think I may take those days off too if I can, or just work Monday until noon. I don't know. I just hate being here when the kids are home.

I'm debating whether to switch to this new blogger, I've heard good things and bad things. Any opinions?

I think winter has finally decided to show it's face here, it is cold this morning and it was cold and windy yesterday. The weather has been so crazy, on Saturday here it was in the low 70's, you could go outside in a t-shirt and be fine. In January!

I took Miss Moody to the orthodontist yesterday and we discussed the issue with her jaw. She still cannot open it all the way and if she tries to force it, it hurts and pops. So she's on a soft diet, absolutely no chewing gum (which she shouldn't have since she has braces but I know she chews it) and we go back in 6 weeks. She was due to have this device put on that would help bring her lower jaw forward but now that she's having all these problems, the orthodontist has decided to just do rubber bands. Hopefully with time this will resolve itself.

Tuesday night Sonny Boy had indoor soccer, it was fun to watch, very past paced. We look like the Bad News Bears though. We're wearing our uniforms from outdoor, we're a coed team where the other teams have these official uniforms and no coed teams. It was funny listening to the other parents, they thought they had the game wrapped up before it began. But that wasn't the case, the game was tied and the opposing team had to fight for every goal just like we did.

Last night I attended my first yoga class. I was apprehensive and I almost didn't go but I'm glad I did. There wasn't any chanting or anything like that. It was mainly just different poses which stretched my muscles and it's about being in the moment and coordinating your breathing with your movements. I'm sore this morning, I used muscles I didn't know I had.

Tonight Girly Girl goes back to dance class, she's been off for 3 weeks and tomorrow night Miss Moody has field hockey. Busy, busy, busy.

I had Miss Moody stay home yesterday, her mouth was really hurting and I didn't see the sense in making her go. But apparently Used To Be Best Friend got in trouble at school, was in the principal's office most of the day. She wrote a threatening letter to her ex-boyfriend and he gave it to the principal. At least this situation had nothing at all to do with Miss Moody, she wasn't even in school. It sounds like UTBBF has a problem with threatening people though, last week she was threatening a 7th grade girl. She needs to get a grip.

I'm off to get payroll going and I have to finish my billing or my FIL will have my head on a platter!

"Wherever you are spiritually whatever you have been through emotionally, you
are already wrapped in the Lord's embrace. Held close by nail-scarred hands."~ Liz Curtis Higgs~

This quote gives me such comfort, it's hard for me to put into words. I have felt so far away from God for so long and made choices that aren't what God would want for me. Knowing that God was there all along and is with me now, gives me peace and hope. Knowing that God was still there when I refused to acknowledge Him, knowing that He loved me still and knowing that He has forgiven me gives me hope.

I've thought that it was too late, that there was no way that I could ever have my relationship with God back but the truth is, He never left me, He was there waiting for me to turn back to Him, beckoning me all the while.

I'm still a bit apprehensive, I kind of feel like I'm just putting my toes in to test the waters. I'm still waiting to see if God is angry with me, if He will turn away. But over the last few days as I've prayed and studied, I've realized that is just what satan has wanted me to think. I just keep telling myself what satan meant for my harm, God will use for my good.

Don't forget to visit Iris and leave your link if you choose to participate in this week's In "Other" Words.

Mondays are hard, especially when it's rainy and gloomy outside. I did not want to get up this morning and neither did the kids.

I'm feeling better. Thursday night I took Nyquil before I went to bed. JR takes it all the time, sleeps like a baby, just like the commercial says. Well, it has the opposite effect on me. I was up all night. I think I maybe slept 2 hours total. When I got up on Friday I was miserable. I was achy, my head felt like it was going to explode, I was coughing and I was tired. Bone tired. And all I kept thinking about was that I was driving to Philadelphia and going to be out late. So, I hit the grocery store first thing, cancelled the kids afternoon hair appointments, got JR to pick them up from school and I went to bed.

The drive to Philly wasn't bad, thank God. Being the small town girl that I am, I don't like driving on the interstate, especially at rush hour but it worked out fine. Girly Girl absolutely loved the show but she loves princesses, mainly because she considers herself one. She loved it so much that I'm thinking about planning a Disney trip. We've never been and the kids haven't really cared all that much about going but after seeing Girly Girl's face light up when Cinderella made her entrance, I know she would love Disney World.

Saturday I got all my Christmas stuff taken down and put away in the morning. I slept all afternoon. It was wonderful.

Sunday I went to church and I am so glad that I did. It felt good to be back, to hold my bible, read the verses, sing the praise and worship songs. I have missed it so much. The church is offering the Alpha Course which I'm considering taking. It's a 10 week commitment on Monday nights and I have to register by Wednesday so I'm going to pray about it and talk to JR. It's hard for me to do things on weeknights.

Miss Moody made out well at indoor field hockey. There was no drama, it was a little awkward for her but it all worked out. One girl, T, made a snarky comment online over the weekend about her but Miss Moody is going to ignore it, responding will only stir up the pot again. Right now things are relatively peaceful. Miss Moody was stressed again last night, she really has a hard time when she has to go back to school after being home and that just breaks my heart. She feels safe at home and loved. Her main problem is feeling like she has no close friends to be with and it's not that she doesn't have close friends, but with the 8th grade being split into 2 groups, she doesn't see her closest friend but once a day. I just wish I could make all this easier for her, it kills me to see her hurting and struggling.

We also have a new addition to our family. Friday night we had a cat, well an older kitten show up at our house. She's no older then a year and cute as can be. She doesn't have a tail, loves attention but is extremely dumb when it comes to cars and trucks, rather then being afraid when they start up, she just sits there underneath them. Not good. So I'm going to wait and see if someone is looking for her and if not, I guess she's going to stay. And she likes to play in water, isn't that weird? We had a bucket full of water outside and she was sticking her paws in and playing in it and she does that every time she drinks.

How was your weekend?

Well, it looks like I have now caught the crud that has swept through my entire family, guess it couldn't part without getting us all. My head is so full I swear it's about to bust into a million pieces. No medicine is helping and I look like Rudolph with a nose so red. I'll spare you all the gory details but it's truly amazing how much mucus a body can produce.

Anyhoo....

Tomorrow night I'm going with Girly Girl and her Brownie Troop to see Disney Princesses on Ice. It's Scout night and after the show the girls will do a special activity and they even get a badge. It's going to be a long night because we have to travel to Philadelphia to see it. The girls are so excited. I just hope I feel better by then.

Miss Moody also starts indoor field hockey tomorrow night. I'm a little nervous about the whole thing, I don't know if the girls she's had some problems with are playing. She does have several friends that are playing though. I don't know. Things have cooled down with all that drama but only because I have been monitoring everything. Part of me is thankful that all this happened because it opened Miss Moody's eyes, she now sees what her father and I were warning her about. At least now we don't have to worry about her fighting us about not going over to Used To Be Best Friend's house, especially next year. UTBBF has little supervision at home and I know once she's in high school she'll be dating boys that are older and have cars and I know these boys will end up at her house. I've been watching UTBBF's myspace and if the messages there are truthful, several girls drank alcohol at a New Year's party, these are 13 year old girls.

But even though I am thankful that all this happened, I do feel badly for Miss Moody. This has been very hard for her but I admire that she's trying to move on and she's not letting them stop her from doing something she enjoys. I wish that I could be there for her tomorrow night but her dad will be there and my in-laws are even thinking about going just as extra support.

And if my mother-in-law is there, I know Miss Moody will be fine because my MIL is hard as nails and ain't nobody messin' with her granddaughter.

Saturday I plan on getting my house back in order. I hate to see our pretty tree go but I'm tired of the all the stuff.

Sunday we have our nephew's 2nd birthday party at 1pm which kind of messes with my plans to go to church. My SIL lives about 45 minutes from us. The church I was attending for about a year when Mom died has an early service at 8:30am so if I got myself moving early enough I could make it. That church is about 30 minutes from my home and I loved going there. The only down side to that church is that it's huge, like over 1,000 members and it's real easy to kind of feel lost in the shuffle. But it's a great church, I just wish it were closer.

Have a wonderful, safe weekend. You never know, I may pop in here on Saturday which would be a first, lol.

I know the new year causes most of us to reflect on the year just past and on the one ahead. That is something I've been doing. I spent most of my holiday break. I'd like to say it was because Sonny Boy was sick and that was some of it. But in all honesty, I just didn't want to go anywhere and be around anyone.

After Christmas, I spent days on the sofa and watched Cops marathons with my son. I wore my frumpy clothes, let the clutter accumulate around me, read a book. I didn't do my hair, I didn't even make the kids get dressed.

I felt bogged down, heavy.

We were invited to a New Year's Eve party, I was thankful that Sonny Boy was sick so we had a reason to not go. I did not want to be sociable.

I don't think I had a real conversation with JR for several days either. I just did not have the energy or desire that it takes to start a conversation or to keep one going.

I was in a pit. I've been in many pits, some worse then others. This one was a bad one.

I stayed up late, couldn't sleep half the time when I did make it to bed.

I wallowed in self pity.

Saturday I managed to get up, get dressed, clean up the house a little and I even took the girls shopping. The mall was crowded but it was ok. It felt good to get out of the house.

Sunday I was back on the sofa though. As I sat there I thought about the year coming to an end, I thought about the new year just about to begin. I thought about the emotional roller coaster I seem to live on. Up one day, down the next. I decided I was tired of it, that it was time to stop feeling/being pitiful and time to find the answer.

I prayed for God to guide me, to show me what I needed to do. I don't pray much anymore, especially for myself. For so long I've had this block wall between myself and God. It's like that connection you have through prayer was broken. I stopped reading my bible, the Word had no meaning anymore. I stopped going to church because I didn't want to praise and worship God.

See, I was angry at God.

This all started after my mother died and she'll be gone 4 years in June. When I turned from God, I turned from how I lived as well. By that I mean, my life choices changed. And ever since I've had this nagging sense of condemnation because I know some of my choices aren't right for me.

But I pushed ahead, doing what I wanted to do regardless. For awhile it was fun and games. As time wore on, it wasn't so fun anymore. That's what I realized Sunday. The way I was living wasn't worth it.

I would say the biggest choice I made was choosing to drink alcohol again. I was a binge drinker as a teen, I drank as often as I could, as much as I could. When I had children my drinking slowed down to maybe 1-2 times a year but I would go over board during those times.

When I became a Christian I stopped drinking completely. Not that I think all Christians should not drink. This was something that I felt God was dealing with me and only me about.

This is very hard for me to admit here. But I just had to share what has gone on.

Sunday night I decided that the drinking was going to stop. I know that my drinking isn't the root to all my problems but I know, deep down, that it's a big part. It's not right for me because I don't just have a glass of wine.

On Monday we went shopping and Girly Girl and I wandered around the book store. I made my way to the Christian section, an area that I've avoided for a long time. I've avoided at first because I was angry and then because I felt guilty, I felt like I couldn't "go back", if that makes sense. My life wasn't right, how could I profess to be a Christian, how could I seek God when I knew I wasn't living the way I should?

I found a book by Beth Moore called Get Out of the Pit, at least I think that's the name. It is the best book. It was like God just put the book in my hands and I'm just devouring it. I also started listening to my Joyce Meyer teaching on cds called Overcoming Depression. She talks about those who struggled with depression in the bible and she talks about the roots of some depression. Between the book and the teaching, it's more clear to me why I've been stuggling.

My next step is getting back to church. My husband does not go to church and that has always been a sore spot between us. I was always so tired of having to drag the kids myself, especially Sonny Boy who wanted to stay home with daddy. But for right now I'm just going to get myself back to church, I'm not going to worry about Sunday School classes, just church. I have a feeling Girly Girl will want to go with me because she likes to go, especially if she gets to stay with me.

I'll be sharing here as I go along. I feel more optimistic right now but I know that satan will be on my heels before too long, making me feel like this is just a waste of my time, that I'm too far gone, it's too late for me. It's amazing the lies that he fills your head with, he takes your insecurities and uses them against you.

I pray that no one feels less of me as I've come clean today.

I cannot believe the holidays are over that quickly.

Here's a recap:

My father did come over on Christmas Eve and he even called me about it. We had a nice day too. We baked cookies, ate way too much food and just hung out all day. My sister brought her puppies and boy did that reinforce not wanting another dog when Buster is gone. The kids enjoyed them. My nephew was there almost all day, he has changed so much. He's an adult now and I can tell he's very happy with his life and what he's doing. His girlfriend came for awhile and she's great, she's good for him.

Christmas Day was good. We go to my in-laws for dinner every year, exchange gifts and all. My sister-in-law is there of course and it wasn't too bad actually. We had a few episodes over dinner, her daughter's were in tears over being made to eat food they didn't want. I hate that. My MIL gave Sonny Boy a whoopy cushion as a gift which just delighted him to no end and of course he had to play with it. My SIL and her husband weren't so delighted, especially when Girly Girl said the word fart. Apparently their children have never heard that word before. Ummm...yeah right. Their oldest goes to school all day and rides the bus, I know she's heard that word before and probably worse unfortunately.

Sonny Boy ended up sick again while on break. So we went back to the doctor's again. His throat was terrible but his strep test was negative so I had to take him to get a mono test. I have yet to get those results. He's better though and went back to school. I had mono when I was 17 and I was sick off and on for about 2 months and then I got real sick and stayed sick for another month. It was awful. So I'm not sure if he has it or not because he is better but I kept him down and made him rest. We'll see because he hasn't been 100% since he was sick 3 weeks ago.

Miss Moody is having problems with her jaw, I think it's a TMJ kind of thing but she hasn't been able to open her mouth all the way for a week. The dentist and orthodontist were both closed all week last week so I guess I'll be taking her somewhere this week. She so didn't want to go back to school today. My heart goes out to her because I know she has to put up with a lot and she's had nothing but peace all week.

JR ended up sick with this massive head cold all week which meant he took Nyquil at night which meant I had to sleep somewhere else. He snores anyway but man when he takes that stuff, it's worse then a wind tunnel.

New Year's Eve we did absolutely nothing. Not that we usually do much. I didn't even stay up until midnight.

Yesterday we went shopping, the kids had Christmas money burning a hole in their pockets. We ate dinner at this place called the Blue Star Grill. Do not go there. Talk about a money pit. I had a $15 salad which was only worth about $5. A total rip off.

And today I'm back to work. My throat is a little sore and my nose is stuffed up, this happened over night so I'm not sure if I'm getting sick. Sonny Boy has his first indoor soccer game tonight but I can't go because Girly Girl has Brownies and it's cookie training night so I have to be there. Miss Moody starts indoor field hockey on Friday. I give her credit because she isn't letting those girls stop her from doing something she loves.

My great blogging friend Veronika is going through a real tough time, stop by and give her a hug.