Here I sit feeling guilty because I didn't make it to church this morning. Of all the weeks I really needed to be there, I'm not. I don't have a good reason either. We were out late, I overslept and hubby wanted some attention (blush). I just wasn't watching the clock so....

We had a good time at the wedding. The kids danced and ran around. We danced and spent time with family. The kids even requested for our wedding song to be played so we could dance. We stayed until the end and helped clean up. So it was a late night.

I'm happy to report that I have not taken a sleeping pill in a week and I've actually managed to sleep some. Even with all the stress of this past week.

But in order to stay honest and for the most part, open, I have to admit that I drank 2 glasses of wine last night. I wish that I hadn't. Not that I was intoxicated, it's just that I made a commitment to stop and I gave in.

This is when I start struggling with my faith because I am never completely able to be "good". I'm not saying that drinking 2 glasses of wine is bad but for me, I feel that it is.

And see, when I stumble like this, I usually just turn and give up. Mainly because I don't want to be a bad witness. I don't want someone who does not know the Lord to see me and think, why bother? I don't want to in any way make God less than He is. Maybe that's giving myself more power than ever possible. Sometimes I wish that more Christians would be open about their struggles with the more taboo things. Sometimes I feel like the only Christian that struggles this way but it is a personal thing and some people just aren't comfortable sharing things like that. I just feel like the odd man because my life seems so different compared to others.

I don't know. It's hard for me to put in words how I feel. If I were to try and sum it all up in a nutshell, I guess I would have to say that I always feel like I'm failing, that I'm never going to measure up so why try?

This afternoon we are going to my in-laws for dinner, it's actually a belated b-day dinner for hubby. At least now I don't have to worry about cooking anything.

I'm struggling with feelings of fear about Miss Moody going to school tomorrow. I just don't know if UTBBF will try and fight her in the locker room. I really don't know if she will. I know the girl is angry and she blames Miss Moody and me for everything. It's not so much that I fear that she will hurt Miss Moody, just because they are about the same size and Miss Moody is strong and athletic. It's more that in the locker room there are no adults and there are a lot of girls that would love to see a fight. So rather than run and tell the teacher, they'll just watch it. I don't like that.

I've been looking into some private schools in the area. There is a Christian one but it doesn't have sports programs for girls and I'm not even sure if they are accredited which would hurt her with colleges. I'm not sending her someplace that could hold her back later on. I'm not sure if they even have honors classes or anything either. So I don't think that school is an option. The other private school has a lot to offer and could actually help her with college but I don't know if we can even afford it.

I'm just praying that we can get things to calm down enough that we can keep things as they are.

Maybe I'll post pictures from the wedding if I ever get them off my digital camera. JR will probably end up doing it just because I always forget.