Things are beginning to really escalate with Miss Moody and "used to be best friend". Since UTBBF cannot call or contact Miss Moody anymore she is now using other people to do her dirty work. Miss Moody has been pretty much threatened by another girl, I'll call her T, that if Miss Moody shows up at the movies tomorrow night, she's gonna get her a-- kicked just cause T doesn't want her there.

Not that Miss Moody was going with T or planned to be around T or UTBBF, she was going with this whole other group which includes a parent.

I'm telling you though that nothing angers me more than having someone, anyone threaten my child. I swear it brings this horrible side out of me. And I know the likelihood of any of these girls so much as touching Miss Moody is very, very slim. I know that.

I hate bullying. I was bullied and I remember how it feels, to always be watching your back. It was very stressful. It changed how I lived, who I was in a way.

It drives me crazy that Miss Moody keeps trying to reason with these girls, she wants them to believe her. She's trying so hard to get something from these girls that they don't want to give her. They are looking for any reason, true or false, to not like her.

I keep telling her that the best "revenge" is moving on, being happy and that it was going to get worse before it gets better. These girls don't want her to move on, to have other friends. That's what really started this whole thing anyway.

So I'm not sure if Miss Moody is going to the movies tomorrow night, I don't know if she feels it's even worth it.

I've told her that this has got to end and it's up to her to do it. She's got to stop talking to them and stop talking about them. Basically, act as though they don't exist. It won't be easy but it's necessary.

I laid down what I wanted her to do and the consequences if she doesn't. I want her to stop and think if they are worth losing privileges, etc.

But I have to be honest, this is driving me crazy. I want to tell her to say all these terrible things to these girls, I want her to punch them in the face. I don't tell her those things though, maybe that's what's driving me crazy?

Another late start today because of the fog. I got to sleep in this time which is always a good thing.

I'm starting to think about Christmas cookies, I always fix the same ones and granted they are our favorites but I'd like to introduce a couple of new ones, just to shake things up a little. I'd love it if you'd share your favorite cookie recipe, send all your friends this way and we can have a cookie exchange.

Here is one of our favorites:

Peanut Butter Cookies

1 cup sugar
1 cup peanut butter
1 egg

Mix together. Using your hands or a very small ice cream scoop, make around one inch balls out of the dough. You can then roll the balls in sugar or leave them plain before placing them on a cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes. Immediately after baking, either place one small unwrapped Reese Cup in each cookie, pushing down just a little or you can just use a fork and press the cookie down, making a criss cross design on the top.

My family loves these, especially my son who doesn't eat a lot of sweets but he does love peanut butter. I always have to triple the recipe.

So come on, pass your recipes along. Yes, that includes you lurkers out there.

School was late this morning due to a fog delay, I wish I had known sooner I could've slept in a little.

This weekend flew by. I had dinner with my sister on Saturday and my dad and his wife did show up. All in all the evening wasn't so bad, pretty typical really. Dad has a puppy and that's pretty much all that was discussed which meant I was silent most of the time. Which was fine because I never know what to talk with him about anyway. No one brought up Christmas Eve so I have no idea what's going to happen then.

I decorated my house all day on Saturday, once we get our tree, my house will be all ready for Christmas. I've also received my order from amazon, so I'm at least started on my shopping.

Sunday we had friends over to watch the Steelers vs. Ravens game. Not a good game for the Steelers fans in my house but a great one for the Ravens fans. We had fun though.

Miss Moody has some more drama with "used to be best friend". The girl called our house, left a stupid message on the house voice mail, then left 5 consecutive messages on Miss Moody's cell phone. This all happened Sunday morning, Miss Moody wasn't even out of bed yet and it was just so stupid. "Used to be best friend" was accusing Miss Moody of being a drama queen and telling her not to call her anymore, blah, blah, blah. I ended up calling the girl, gave her piece of advice or two and she never called again.

I regret calling the girl now though. Miss Moody is fine with it but really, we should've just ignored her. I just got angry and reacted without thinking first.

I just hope Miss Moody can stay away from her today at school. She needs to learn how to just walk away from this girl because this keeps happening over and over again. But Miss Moody has a hard time turning the other cheek, she sees that as giving in (wonder where she gets that from?) but when you fight and argue with a person like that, you're giving them what they want. If you ignore them then you're taking the power back. This girl is going to be a thorn in her side for a long time I think so she'd better learn now how to deal with her.

Also had some drama regarding my sister-in-law. It's kind of a long story and I honestly don't feel like going through it but it never fails to amaze me how whenever she gets called out on something, she can turn it so that everyone feels sorry for her.

Whatever. Too much darn drama for me.

I'm seriously thinking of going away this weekend. Maybe to PA, stay near the outlets and get some shopping done or to DE and shop at those outlets. I don't know, it would be weird to do that because I've never just taken the kids and gone off for the weekend.

I found out we have a family Christmas party this Sunday and instantly I was thinking about running away. After the crap with my sil, I don't want to have to listen to it anymore right now because she's not going to just let it go. I can only imagine what that party could turn into.

I know I sound like the Scrooge. But I'm really not. Honestly.

I don't have much to write about. Turkey Day is over, I didn't overeat too much even though I felt extremely full, I think my stomach has shrunk. We were over to my in-laws for about 5 hours which was about 2 hours or so too long. My sister-in-law's children kept crying over every little thing, way too much dramatics for me. My sister-in-law wasn't very sociable which was strange, usually she's got to be the center of all the conversation.

We left there and went to our friend's house where we played Catch Phrase (that's a very cool game), watched Survivor and drank margaritas. Too many margaritas.

So all in all Thanksgiving went well, now I'm ready to start decorating for Christmas. When I go home later I plan on dragging all our stuff down from the attic, turning on some Christmas music and have the kids help me decorate. Girly Girl can't wait.

And I'm not feeling so down. I think being around family yesterday was good for me, I needed that. We also had a great time with our friends, lots of laughter which I needed too. So I'm going to savor these good feelings and enjoy them.

I'm here at work, in solitude, it's so quiet. It's gloomy outside, very windy, the sky is gray, all the trees have just about lost all their leaves. The temperature has finally gone down to where it should be, though not as cold as it can be this time of year.

My spirit is heavy though. I've been having periods of vertigo since last Thursday, to the point where I am so nauseated that I cannot move. It's an inner ear thing, stemming from almost constant ear infections as a child. I've never been officially diagnosed but I do think I have menere's disease (that might be spelled wrong, I know it's pronounced men-years). So needless to say I haven't felt well for almost a week. I try and ignore it, sometimes I can't. I have been taking benadryl at night, trying to get the fluid in my ears dried up. This usually happens when I've had a head cold and I just had one so it makes sense.

But whenever I go through days of this, where I'm so sick to my stomach that I don't want to move, when the vertigo is so bad that I can't read a book, I think about those who are chronically ill. I know there is an end to this, it might not be today but this won't last forever. I can't imagine being ill and knowing there's no end to it. How do those people keep their spirits up?

I can feel myself sliding back down in that pit again, where I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I feel different than everyone else. Basically because everyone else seems happy and I'm not. I'm really not. This was just how it was after Mom died. I coudn't stand to be around other people because my sorrow, my grief was too much for them and I could not fake it. I could not fake being happy just so everyone else was comfortable.

It's not that bad now, I just feel like I'm missing a piece of a puzzle or something. What is it that I don't have? Is there something I'm just not getting here? I don't know. Whatever it is, I feel like it's almost within my grasp and then it's gone again and I'm left searching.

I know this is something within me. I don't blame anyone else and I know that there isn't a single person out there that could make this any better for me. This is something I have to figure out on my own.

But God, I am so tired of it.

Maybe that's the key, getting so darn tired of it that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it. But what does it take?

I'm striving for inner peace, for happiness regardless of my circumstances. I want to feel my emotions and not be overwhelmed by them, consumed by them.

I need to be more thankful, count my blessings more.

I need to relax more, work on being calm in all situations.

I need to learn to be positive, I have a tendency to be negative.

And the thing is, I will keep trying, even though I'm weary. I can't give up.

Can you believe that Thanksgiving is this Thursday?

Christmas is rapidly on it's way and I am not ready. At all. I've got some things in my Amazon.com shopping cart and I need to place that order today.

I also need to start dragging down my Christmas decorations so I can start decorating this weekend.

This weekend was uneventful which was awesome. I got the house cleaned, laundry caught up, played about 10 games of Mall Madness with Girly Girl, even Sonny Boy had to jump in and play. Miss Moody actually played a couple of games of Hangman with me too, I was surprised when she asked to play.

I need to figure out what I'm taking to Thanksgiving dinner. JR wants me to make Pumpkin Fluff dip but I also want to take a good side dish. I'm going to check out the recipes of weightwatchers.com, see if I can find some good ones that aren't so fattening.

My sister wants us to come over for dinner on Saturday which is fine. But after I agreed to it, I realized Saturday is opening day of shotgun season so I won't be seeing JR and Sonny Boy much. Now I need to tell her we can still do dinner, they will just be late. She won't like it but oh well. It's not like they won't be coming at all.

I guess I'll be seeing my father too, first time in about 4 months. Should be interesting.

Had a good weigh in on Friday. Come visit my weight loss blog and find out the details!

It is November 16th and 66 degrees out before it's even 8am. Where is the cold weather? Usually it's cold here by now, I remember when we got married (which I forgot to mention was on November 14th) it was so cold, very cold. We stayed in our new house for the first time on our wedding night, so excited to use our whirlpool tub, we couldn't wait. The house was cold because we'd never thought about turning up the heat but no biggie, we'd be warm in the tub. But the water wouldn't heat up, it was frigid. Our water heater had never been turned on so we had no warm water. Talk about a big let down.

We made up for it though the next night *wink*.

Miss Moody was not happy that she still is not allowed on the internet. But she got over it and I think she actually enjoyed having time with us and hanging out with her brother and sister.

We've actually been sitting down and having dinner together at the kitchen table. Not just grabbing whatever and scarfing it down. It's been so nice being home in the evenings, no rushing to practices and this Saturday we have absolutely nothing on our calendar. Nothing. How cool is that?

There is a possibility that Sonny Boy may be playing indoor soccer but it would only be one night a week and no practices. There is also a possibility that Miss Moody may play indoor field hockey which will be at the high school and I don't want to discourage her from playing because she really wants to and I want her to have something else to focus on other than boys and girl drama.

But it won't hurt my feelings if none of the winter sports pans out. All we'll have then is Girly Girl's dance class once a week which I don't mind going to, that's my time to catch up with a couple of friends, I find it relaxing. And Girly Girl has Brownies twice a month but that's not a big deal either.

It's just amazing how much less stressed I feel with not having all the rushing around, with not having the tight schedule every night.

I still can't believe that Thanksgiving is next week, it's one week away! I've started some Christmas shopping online, I plan on making my first order today. I need to get going on that. I am so ready to decorate too. I'm going to start dragging all my stuff down so next week I can start getting things put out.

And my mother-in-law is doing great. She is back in rythym again, which means she won't have to have another cardioversion. Her cardiologist is very pleased and now she doesn't have any procedures looming over her head, she can just enjoy the holidays.

My sister had my dad and his wife over for dinner a couple of weeks ago. We couldn't come because Sonny Boy had his soccer party. Apparently it was a nice visit. And I'm glad that it was. I guess my sister is going to try and keep things going or something. That's her choice and I'm not going to discourage her. But I'm just tired of it all and I'm tired of always feeling rejected. Not that I won't get together with them, I'm just not going to go out of my way to make it happen anymore. The phone works both ways and Dad needs to realize that.

Miss Moody did have a sinus infection, she was put on Ceftin and is just now better. Girly Girl threw up all over the kitchen Sunday night, it was one of those messes where you really don't know where to begin to clean it up. JR was no help at all, he kept gagging so much that I sent him away, I didn't want to clean up his vomit too.

Monday and yesterday schools were closed for parent/teacher conferences. I had mine on Monday. Girly Girl made honor roll but her teacher is very concerned with how little she participates in class. Apparently she does not raise her hand and gets very upset if she gets called on. She's also getting upset if she finds work difficult, I've noticed that at home as well. I've also noticed that she doesn't even like reading aloud to me and she hates to do it in class. She's a pretty good reader too. Basically she seems to have lost her confidence. She has always been a very confident child, not one to follow the crowd and not one to really get backwards about anything. And after having my conference, I've started realizing the little changes in her, how she hates to be the center of attention. She doesn't mind being the center of attention as long as she's with a group, like with her dance class. But if it's her alone, she balks and gets upset. I've noticed how she doesn't want to be wrong, she's got to be perfect. Maybe she's afraid of getting picked on?

She really reminds me of myself. I used to be very self confident, didn't worry much about others but as I grew older, as I went through getting picked on by other girls, I became more and more insecure. And I'm totally like her now. I don't like for all eyes to be on me, especially in a group of people I don't know. I get very uncomfortable, can feel myself flushing and I get hot.

I feel that I may have to take some responsibility for her need to get things right all the time. I know that as mothers, most of us are quick to feel that when our kids are having self esteem problems, that it is something that we've done or not done as their mom. But I can't help but feel that I have played a part in this. Mainly because I've been so stressed lately, I'm tired by the time the kids get home and we have to do homework. I can be impatient and I just want to get it over with so I can move to the next thing we have to do. In my impatience, I know that I have snapped explanations rather than just taking my time and really helping her get a concept she may be struggling with.

So that has got to change. I don't want her feeling that she has to be perfect, especially for me. I also don't want her feeling that I don't have time for her or that I don't want to help her.

This was just the wake up call I needed to readjust my attitude. I've known deep down that I need to get a grip now it's time to do it.

Sonny Boy is doing pretty good in school. He's passing every class, he has several C's which could be B's if he would just slow down when he's doing his work. But for as long as that boy has been in school, he has rushed to get his work done, he just wants to get it over with. He does not want to take the time to do complete sentences or go back in a story to find the answers for multiple choice questions. But his teacher really likes him and says he is very well behaved and gives her no problems at all. She also remarked on his athletic ability and his love of sports which for him, is most important, not school work.

I have not received Miss Moody's report card yet, I'm wondering what she's going to have. If she gets so-so grades, I'm going to know she's not focusing and or putting forth her best effort because she never gets so-so grades.

And do you know, that her supposed "best friend" is now getting stalked online? This "best friend" has had her myspace page deleted by some mysterious person. This person has now on AIM, contacting all of "best friend's" friends, which includes Miss Moody, trying to get information. Miss Moody was able to find out that this mystery person is "best friend's" ex-boyfriend's mother. Yes, this is a mother, pretending to be one of these kids and she is essentially stalking and threatening "best friend" over a situation with her son. Miss Moody came to me about it and I've taken the internet away while this blows over. She is not very happy about it, but this situation has the potential to involve the police and honestly, I don't want that crazy woman dragging Miss Moody into it. "Best friend's" mother contacted me last night about it, I told her what little we knew and I also told her that Miss Moody was not going to be online until this was resolved, that Miss Moody was not going to try and get "proof" for "best friend" about who this mystery person is. So, I removed the mouse from the computer and hid it so there is no way she can even sneak online when I'm in bed or anything.

And not that I agree with this mother stalking and harassing "best friend" but I do feel it's a bit ironic that this is happening to her after what she did to Miss Moody.

I'm off to work on my weight loss blog. Here's the address if you'd like to stop by and visit-Too Much of TC.

Still around, Miss Moody is sick so we're off to the doctor this morning. I'm thinking it's a sinus infection.

I'm starting a weight loss blog though I haven't had a chance to even post there yet because I had to leave work early yesterday to pick Miss Moody up from school. Once I get it going I'll pass the name along, right now it's just blank.

Off to finish up payroll and billing so I don't have to come back here later. I have a dentist appointment at 1pm, oh joy.

Practice was interesting. At least the air has been cleared, not everyone is being completely honest but I think this is as good as is it's gonna be. Miss Moody is ok with it and ready to move on which is most important anyway.

It's amazing though how girls like to divide and conquer. They will get in a group and pick on one lone person. It's also amazing how at this age, individuality is not a virtue, being your own person is a bad thing. For instance, yesterday Miss Moody wore a new outfit to school, a nice jean skirt (that reached just above her knees, thank you) and a hooded sweater with flats. Not dressy, her usual preppy casual but it was a skirt. A group of girls at school all started picking on her for dressing "so girly", laughing and getting in their little group. This particular group of girls are tom boys which is no big deal, but because Miss Moody chooses to dress they way she wants to, she's wrong and therefore should be made fun of.

Miss Moody just kept on walking, didn't even respond. She did admit to wanting to say that she dresses like a girl because she is one and maybe they need to remember they are girls too. But she knew that remark would only add fuel to the fire and she wasn't going to fight over it. She's going to dress the way she wants to.

Girls are vicious and fight way dirtier than boys.

Miss Moody has tournaments this weekend, on the Western Shore and this Eastern Shore girl doesn't travel much on that side of the bridge. Especially on my own and it looks very likely that I'll be making the trek that way. Saturday is youth shot gun day and JR is pretty insistent that he and Sonny Boy are going, even though Sonny Boy could skip it and be fine. He'd rather bow hunt anyway.

And you would think that by now, having been married for almost 14 years (it will officially be 14 on the 14th,btw) that I would be used to this hunting stuff. And really, I thought I was but for some reason this year, JR is getting on my last nerve with it. Maybe because I'm busier this year then ever before, maybe because I've been ill. I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm harboring some resentment right now toward him and it's not good.

I don't like talking about it here because I don't want to portray him as being this selfish jerk because he's not a jerk but he can be selfish, more so this time of year. And he does work hard so he deserves to do things he enjoys. It's just hard because I've always done the majority of everything, carried the most burden when it came to the kids and the house. But I used to be home where I could focus on those things exclusively. Now I'm at work outside of the home for the majority of my day but the same is still expected of me as if I were home exclusively. And now I have the added job of running all 3 kids to sports practices, dance class, Brownies and he goes and sits in a tree.

But ultimately I can only blame myself. I rarely ask for help and the main reason is when I do ask for help, sometimes JR is put out by it, probably because he's not used to me asking and he's used to just doing his own things. So then I get angry and I'm like I'll show you, I don't need you, I can do this myself. And I can so I do and it's this vicious circle.

I think all this pent up emotion is half the reason I've been feeling bad. It's just not healthy to feel like this and hold it in.

I've also got some hard feelings regarding my job which also ties in with a lot of the feelings I've already expressed. I work for my in-laws who have been in business for over 30 years. We are well established in our area and do quite well. My sil worked here for maybe 2-3 years before she had her 1st child and opted to stay home. That is when I started coming in, slowly and I brought Girly Girl with me and Sonny Boy was here half day because he was starting school. I didn't work more then 3 days a week and only in the morning. With time and once all 3 kids were in school full time I increased my hours.

I now work 4 days a week, Fridays off even though I know that my fil would like for me to be here on Fridays too. I come in as soon as I drop the kids to school and now that my mil hasn't been working much I don't leave until it's time to get them off the bus. So, no I don't work 40 hours but close to it.

I don't have a problem with working. My problem has been how the business gives things to my sil, like a brand new black top driveway (to the tune of $11,000.00) and new garage (can't even tell you what that cost) and this comes out of the business. Not from my in-laws pockets. I know this because now I do all the bills, now I have way too much information because before I just assumed that the new stuff came from my in-laws generosity. And this has just bothered me. Not because they want to give her things, but that it comes out of this business that my husband and myself now half run. And if my husband gets something big, like say a pole building, it's part of his bonus which means he essentially worked for it. Which is fine, we both don't mind working for our things. But my sil does nothing regarding the business. Nothing. She gets to stay home with her kids, never run herself ragged and still reap the benefits as if she did work here. And she didn't work here that long before, I've been here almost 6 years.

I don't know. Now that I've typed this, I sound amazingly selfish but I'm not selfish. I give a lot to everyone around me, put everyone else first 99.9% of the time. I run this office by myself a lot now and I do all the bills which means I'm responsible for this business getting paid by our customers. But I don't reap the benefits that my sil does by any means and I have to work almost everyday.

I'm not going to go any further with this because I think you get the picture. And now that I've reread this, I've realized how resentful I've been feeling, to me it just jumps from the page. The most frustrating thing for me is that there is absolutely nothing I can with that situation until we are running this business on our own, when we buy my fil out and then we'll have the entire say on what happens here.

This is just one of those situations that's just not fair and I've got to just deal with it.

It's been quite a weekend. I'll start with the good news first, actually it's great news. My son's soccer team won the 9/10 division soccer tournament on Saturday! Those kids were so excited, I thought our coach was going to cry, it was great. Our soccer league covers are our entire county which adds up to it being broken down into 3 different towns, each is broken down into age groups. Normally the biggest of these towns takes everything because they have like 5-6 teams per age group to our 1 or 2. This big town has a tendency to look down on our little town, calling us north county hicks and such. The comments can be pretty harsh but all it does is add to our kids resolve. We had to play 3 games, almost back to back, each team from the "big town" and we won every, single game. I am so proud of that team and it does feel good to know that our little town brought home a championship this year.

On to the bad news.

Miss Moody became the victim of internet bullying starting on Friday which escalated into receiving threats on her cell phone by text message and voice mail. This came out of nowhere and was done by 3 girls Miss Moody considered very good friends, one almost like a best friend. We still don't know why they did what they did but that's really not even the point.

At first they just messed up her myspace page, I didn't like what they did but I was letting Miss Moody handle that. I helped her change all her passwords so they couldn't continue to put the bad things on there. And it was very bad things.

All 3 of these girls are on her field hockey team, one is the assistant coach's daughter. It was all I could do not to say something to those girls but Miss Moody asked me not to so I didn't.

But come Saturday night I wished that I had.

Saturday night we took Sonny Boy out for a celebration dinner but Miss Moody opted to stay home and continue to fix her myspace page. We weren't going to be gone long so it was no big deal. Just as we were finishing dinner, she called my cell, very upset because these 3 girls were calling her, threatening her. When I got home I read the text messages and then listened to the voicemail, I was livid. I was so angry I was shaking.

I turned right around and called the one mom that I know pretty well, the mother of the supposed "best friend". I told her what was going on, I told her that I would forward the texts to her if she would like to read them. She was very upset and thanked me for letting her know. She then made all 3 girls get off the internet and took away her daughter's phone.

I called the assistant coach and left her a message and I have not heard back from her. She seems like a very nice person so she either has not checked her messages or her daughter erased it otherwise I know she would've called me back. I wanted to speak with her before practice tonight because one of the issues is Miss Moody being threatened that they were going to "beat her face in" at practice.

Now I know they won't touch her, 99% of the time it's all talk but these girls need to learn that you don't threaten people like that and think you're going to get away with it.

Unfortunately, the 3rd girl I don't know and I've never, ever seen a parent at any practice or game so there's not much I can do there.

But I know all 3 know that I know and they know I've already busted one of them to her mother and trying to contact another.

This is the first time I've ever had to step in like this. Normally, I let Miss Moody deal with all the girl drama on her own because it's usually just words which is bad enough. But when your kids is getting threatened with physical violence, it's time to step in.

So practice should be interesting.

And so called "best friend" was trying to kiss and make up last night with Miss Moody because she knows that Miss Moody is the only one that likes her in school. I just pray that Miss Moody won't get sucked in by her even though I told her she is no longer allowed to go to her house and she's not coming to ours. I'm all for forgiveness but just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to hang out with them anymore.

I'm feeling much better now. I had to quit taking my antiobiotic, it was making me sick to my stomach so I won't be taking that again. I'm not so tired anymore and I feel like all I do is sleep but I think my body needs it.

Now I need to work on managing stress. I'm at a loss with that one though. Any ideas?

I'm back to work, wish I was back home, curled up in my bed with the covers over my head. But I've been doing that for days, I guess it's time for me to get out in the world again.

I spent the weekend feeling horrible, so bad that I didn't even go to Miss Moody's games Saturday night and I never do that. But I just couldn't physically do it and I spent the whole evening weepy and feeling sorry for myself. Sunday I slept between loads of laundry.

I went to the doctor Monday morning, I was running a fever so I'm on antibiotics for a sinus infection. I had bloodwork done for my thyroid test, found out I gained two pounds and my blood pressure was borderline high. I've never, ever had problems with my blood pressure, even when I was extremely heavy. I'm not sure what is going on but I think this is my body's way of getting attention. My doctor talked about the importance of sleep, how our bodies need that more than we think. So I guess it's no wonder that my body is having problems, it never gets proper rest. I'm still waiting on the results for my thyroid test, that could also be why my blood pressure is a bit high.

I think I've just been too stressedfor too long. And let's face it, stress is a part of life so I need to learn to deal with it. I need to learn to let certain things go, prioritize and find ways to handle the stress.

I've been harboring some hard feelings toward some of my family and I know that can make a person feel bad. It's hard to let those feelings go though, especially when it is something that directly involves you and is very real, not just some figment of my own imagination. But as I've learned, life isn't always fair and I need to learn to let go of what is beyond my control.

It's just hard because I want it all to be in my control!!!! That is why I don't handle stress.

I'm also having to learn and deal with being a mother of a moody teenager. Since she is my first, I don't have any idea of what to do, how to handle her. She has hurt my feelings, she pushes me away but gets upset if I leave her be, she doesn't want me around her friends, I guess I am an embarassment now, she accuses me of harping. So I'm slowly learning to pick my battles with her, it's just some times I feel like I'm running in circles.

I'm trying to ease up and just enjoy the little things. Tuesday I went to the Herr's Potato Chip Factory which is only about an hour from here and a nice day trip. The only downside is we went by school bus so I was good and car sick when we returned. I was queasy but I didn't let that keep from going with the kids trick or treating. The best part of the whole evening was watching Sonny Boy and Girly Girl eating Sweet Tarts Shockers, they were so sour, I don't think their lips unpuckered for an hour.

Yesterday I stayed home for one more day, I got some things done around the house, enjoyed the peace and quiet. It was invigorating, I need to do that more often, maybe once a month take a day off and stay home. I realized how much I miss being home.

Sports are coming to an end this weekend. Soccer was rescheduled for this Saturday and Sonny Boy's team has a good chance of winning the tournament, they are already in 2nd place for the 9/10 division and that's out of over 20 teams. The only downside is it's only supposed to be 49 degrees and I hate being cold for too long. I guess I'd better dress in layers.

So, that's what's been going on in my world. Now it's time for me to choke down my antibiotic, I'm nauseated as it is and that is not helping.