Practice was interesting. At least the air has been cleared, not everyone is being completely honest but I think this is as good as is it's gonna be. Miss Moody is ok with it and ready to move on which is most important anyway.
It's amazing though how girls like to divide and conquer. They will get in a group and pick on one lone person. It's also amazing how at this age, individuality is not a virtue, being your own person is a bad thing. For instance, yesterday Miss Moody wore a new outfit to school, a nice jean skirt (that reached just above her knees, thank you) and a hooded sweater with flats. Not dressy, her usual preppy casual but it was a skirt. A group of girls at school all started picking on her for dressing "so girly", laughing and getting in their little group. This particular group of girls are tom boys which is no big deal, but because Miss Moody chooses to dress they way she wants to, she's wrong and therefore should be made fun of.
Miss Moody just kept on walking, didn't even respond. She did admit to wanting to say that she dresses like a girl because she is one and maybe they need to remember they are girls too. But she knew that remark would only add fuel to the fire and she wasn't going to fight over it. She's going to dress the way she wants to.
Girls are vicious and fight way dirtier than boys.
Miss Moody has tournaments this weekend, on the Western Shore and this Eastern Shore girl doesn't travel much on that side of the bridge. Especially on my own and it looks very likely that I'll be making the trek that way. Saturday is youth shot gun day and JR is pretty insistent that he and Sonny Boy are going, even though Sonny Boy could skip it and be fine. He'd rather bow hunt anyway.
And you would think that by now, having been married for almost 14 years (it will officially be 14 on the 14th,btw) that I would be used to this hunting stuff. And really, I thought I was but for some reason this year, JR is getting on my last nerve with it. Maybe because I'm busier this year then ever before, maybe because I've been ill. I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm harboring some resentment right now toward him and it's not good.
I don't like talking about it here because I don't want to portray him as being this selfish jerk because he's not a jerk but he can be selfish, more so this time of year. And he does work hard so he deserves to do things he enjoys. It's just hard because I've always done the majority of everything, carried the most burden when it came to the kids and the house. But I used to be home where I could focus on those things exclusively. Now I'm at work outside of the home for the majority of my day but the same is still expected of me as if I were home exclusively. And now I have the added job of running all 3 kids to sports practices, dance class, Brownies and he goes and sits in a tree.
But ultimately I can only blame myself. I rarely ask for help and the main reason is when I do ask for help, sometimes JR is put out by it, probably because he's not used to me asking and he's used to just doing his own things. So then I get angry and I'm like I'll show you, I don't need you, I can do this myself. And I can so I do and it's this vicious circle.
I think all this pent up emotion is half the reason I've been feeling bad. It's just not healthy to feel like this and hold it in.
I've also got some hard feelings regarding my job which also ties in with a lot of the feelings I've already expressed. I work for my in-laws who have been in business for over 30 years. We are well established in our area and do quite well. My sil worked here for maybe 2-3 years before she had her 1st child and opted to stay home. That is when I started coming in, slowly and I brought Girly Girl with me and Sonny Boy was here half day because he was starting school. I didn't work more then 3 days a week and only in the morning. With time and once all 3 kids were in school full time I increased my hours.
I now work 4 days a week, Fridays off even though I know that my fil would like for me to be here on Fridays too. I come in as soon as I drop the kids to school and now that my mil hasn't been working much I don't leave until it's time to get them off the bus. So, no I don't work 40 hours but close to it.
I don't have a problem with working. My problem has been how the business gives things to my sil, like a brand new black top driveway (to the tune of $11,000.00) and new garage (can't even tell you what that cost) and this comes out of the business. Not from my in-laws pockets. I know this because now I do all the bills, now I have way too much information because before I just assumed that the new stuff came from my in-laws generosity. And this has just bothered me. Not because they want to give her things, but that it comes out of this business that my husband and myself now half run. And if my husband gets something big, like say a pole building, it's part of his bonus which means he essentially worked for it. Which is fine, we both don't mind working for our things. But my sil does nothing regarding the business. Nothing. She gets to stay home with her kids, never run herself ragged and still reap the benefits as if she did work here. And she didn't work here that long before, I've been here almost 6 years.
I don't know. Now that I've typed this, I sound amazingly selfish but I'm not selfish. I give a lot to everyone around me, put everyone else first 99.9% of the time. I run this office by myself a lot now and I do all the bills which means I'm responsible for this business getting paid by our customers. But I don't reap the benefits that my sil does by any means and I have to work almost everyday.
I'm not going to go any further with this because I think you get the picture. And now that I've reread this, I've realized how resentful I've been feeling, to me it just jumps from the page. The most frustrating thing for me is that there is absolutely nothing I can with that situation until we are running this business on our own, when we buy my fil out and then we'll have the entire say on what happens here.
This is just one of those situations that's just not fair and I've got to just deal with it.
It's amazing though how girls like to divide and conquer. They will get in a group and pick on one lone person. It's also amazing how at this age, individuality is not a virtue, being your own person is a bad thing. For instance, yesterday Miss Moody wore a new outfit to school, a nice jean skirt (that reached just above her knees, thank you) and a hooded sweater with flats. Not dressy, her usual preppy casual but it was a skirt. A group of girls at school all started picking on her for dressing "so girly", laughing and getting in their little group. This particular group of girls are tom boys which is no big deal, but because Miss Moody chooses to dress they way she wants to, she's wrong and therefore should be made fun of.
Miss Moody just kept on walking, didn't even respond. She did admit to wanting to say that she dresses like a girl because she is one and maybe they need to remember they are girls too. But she knew that remark would only add fuel to the fire and she wasn't going to fight over it. She's going to dress the way she wants to.
Girls are vicious and fight way dirtier than boys.
Miss Moody has tournaments this weekend, on the Western Shore and this Eastern Shore girl doesn't travel much on that side of the bridge. Especially on my own and it looks very likely that I'll be making the trek that way. Saturday is youth shot gun day and JR is pretty insistent that he and Sonny Boy are going, even though Sonny Boy could skip it and be fine. He'd rather bow hunt anyway.
And you would think that by now, having been married for almost 14 years (it will officially be 14 on the 14th,btw) that I would be used to this hunting stuff. And really, I thought I was but for some reason this year, JR is getting on my last nerve with it. Maybe because I'm busier this year then ever before, maybe because I've been ill. I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm harboring some resentment right now toward him and it's not good.
I don't like talking about it here because I don't want to portray him as being this selfish jerk because he's not a jerk but he can be selfish, more so this time of year. And he does work hard so he deserves to do things he enjoys. It's just hard because I've always done the majority of everything, carried the most burden when it came to the kids and the house. But I used to be home where I could focus on those things exclusively. Now I'm at work outside of the home for the majority of my day but the same is still expected of me as if I were home exclusively. And now I have the added job of running all 3 kids to sports practices, dance class, Brownies and he goes and sits in a tree.
But ultimately I can only blame myself. I rarely ask for help and the main reason is when I do ask for help, sometimes JR is put out by it, probably because he's not used to me asking and he's used to just doing his own things. So then I get angry and I'm like I'll show you, I don't need you, I can do this myself. And I can so I do and it's this vicious circle.
I think all this pent up emotion is half the reason I've been feeling bad. It's just not healthy to feel like this and hold it in.
I've also got some hard feelings regarding my job which also ties in with a lot of the feelings I've already expressed. I work for my in-laws who have been in business for over 30 years. We are well established in our area and do quite well. My sil worked here for maybe 2-3 years before she had her 1st child and opted to stay home. That is when I started coming in, slowly and I brought Girly Girl with me and Sonny Boy was here half day because he was starting school. I didn't work more then 3 days a week and only in the morning. With time and once all 3 kids were in school full time I increased my hours.
I now work 4 days a week, Fridays off even though I know that my fil would like for me to be here on Fridays too. I come in as soon as I drop the kids to school and now that my mil hasn't been working much I don't leave until it's time to get them off the bus. So, no I don't work 40 hours but close to it.
I don't have a problem with working. My problem has been how the business gives things to my sil, like a brand new black top driveway (to the tune of $11,000.00) and new garage (can't even tell you what that cost) and this comes out of the business. Not from my in-laws pockets. I know this because now I do all the bills, now I have way too much information because before I just assumed that the new stuff came from my in-laws generosity. And this has just bothered me. Not because they want to give her things, but that it comes out of this business that my husband and myself now half run. And if my husband gets something big, like say a pole building, it's part of his bonus which means he essentially worked for it. Which is fine, we both don't mind working for our things. But my sil does nothing regarding the business. Nothing. She gets to stay home with her kids, never run herself ragged and still reap the benefits as if she did work here. And she didn't work here that long before, I've been here almost 6 years.
I don't know. Now that I've typed this, I sound amazingly selfish but I'm not selfish. I give a lot to everyone around me, put everyone else first 99.9% of the time. I run this office by myself a lot now and I do all the bills which means I'm responsible for this business getting paid by our customers. But I don't reap the benefits that my sil does by any means and I have to work almost everyday.
I'm not going to go any further with this because I think you get the picture. And now that I've reread this, I've realized how resentful I've been feeling, to me it just jumps from the page. The most frustrating thing for me is that there is absolutely nothing I can with that situation until we are running this business on our own, when we buy my fil out and then we'll have the entire say on what happens here.
This is just one of those situations that's just not fair and I've got to just deal with it.
posted by TC at 9:49 AM
1 Comments:
You HAVE to let out your feelings. We can't keep them locked up inside us. It shows in your writing that you are very grateful for everything that you and your husband have worked for, so I don't think you're being selfish.
I'm glad things worked out with your daughter. :)
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