I had a good weekend. I didn't do much of anything which is exactly what I needed.

I took the kids to see Monster House. Word of advice, don't waste your money.

Sunday I took the kids to see my sister's 2 new yellow lab puppies. They are so cute but I can't imagine having 2 puppies. Of course now the kids want a puppy but it's not going to happen. We have one dog and he's enough work. I'll just take them over to my sister's to play with hers.

I spent a lot of time reading this weekend which was very relaxing. I could live with my head stuck in a book if I had the time. When I enter the library I'm so happy, almost excited because there are so many books for me to read and I'm surrounded by them.

My in-laws will be back from their Alaskan cruise tomorrow. I know my husband will be glad to see his dad, he hasn't seen him for 3 weeks and that's never happened before. But honestly, it's been nice having a break. My in-laws are such a huge part of my daily life, more so than the average person. They like to tell us what to do with our money which gets on my last nerve. They just don't get how it is to raise 3 kids in today's world. I just ignore them, you'd think they realize that we're going to do our own thing. Don't get me wrong, they've been very smart with their money and they are reaping the benefits now but our situation is totally different than theirs.

Have I mentioned how hot it is? Today with the heat index it's going to feel about 110 degrees and tomorrow and Wednesday are going to be worse. I don't know how JR can work out in it but he's used to it. He'll be wiped out when he gets home.

I have no camps going on this week and I'm so glad. Now I need to get ready for school, yuck. I can't tell you how much I'm dreading school.

Older daughter broke up with her boyfriend. She said that having had her phone taken away made her realize that she doesn't want a boyfriend and all the stuff that comes with one. She said she likes having her time to do what she wants without someone bugging her. This boy was a bit needy and I wasn't comfortable with it. I'm just thankful she realized it on her own. I've really had to come down on her regarding the phone and some other issues, she knows I'm not playing around and honestly, I think she's relieved that I stepped up. I was sitting back to see how she'd deal with things and unfortunately I had to step in before things got out of hand. And she didn't even balk or fight me on it so I know she was glad that I did it, she was caving to the pressures of her peers and now she can just blame everything on me. I'm cool with that.

Did you struggle with peer pressure as a teen? Do you still?

Well, the Tupperware party went ok. It's funny how the people you expect to come don't and the ones you don't expect show up. I have a tummy ache though from eating junk so late. I had one girl not come but she still sent her 11yr old son with her mom, I think she's mad at me for not attending her "Slumber Party". Oh well, I wasn't going to go to a sex toy party, just not my thing, you know?

I am so glad this week is almost over. I feel like I'm living out of my van with all the running from camp to camp. Thank God I'm carpooling with another mom for the Girl Scouts camp otherwise I would be totally losing it.

I can't believe summer is almost over. My kids go back to school on 8/28 so we don't have much longer. This summer has flown by but we've been way busier with all the different camps which is something we don't ordinarily do. I don't know if it's been a good thing or not. The only positive really is that the kids aren't stuck home with each other as much which helps with the fighting. The running around hasn't been fun for me though, I hate it. I did so much running when my mom was ill that now I can't stand it.

We're planning a long weekend to Hershey Park sometime next month. If you ever get a chance to visit there, go for it. You can do Lancaster, PA for a day and then head to Hershey. I love Hershey Park, it's one of my favorite places to go and I don't even like rides.

It feels weird though to have no plans this weekend. JR has to work so it'll just be me and the kids. My son wants to start school shopping and honestly you can't wait too long because everything gets picked over and they need so much stuff nowadays. But I don't even want to think about school supplies or even school for that matter. I dread the homework battle and all the drama with my oldest.

I'm feeling so blah today. Last night at the party I realized how small my world has become. I didn't invite that many people to my party, mainly because my mind was on vacation. I could've invited more family but I didn't. It's kind of sad though because I used to be more social. I used to have more friends. What happened? I know with the more kids we had the less free time I had. I know my life also became consumed with caring for my mom. But somewhere along the line I lost myself or I lost the desire to be social, I don't know. It takes energy and time to be social and I'm low on both of those things. I know too that I've become kind of hard nosed. I have very little tolerance for bull crap. I'm not going to waste my time on people that are fake or two faced. And honestly, most people are that way, at least here in our small community. Maybe I need to show more mercy and forgiveness? No one is perfect, right? I don't know, it's been like ever since Mom died, I just don't want to put myself out there. Emotionally I just can't do it.

What about you? Do you socialize much? Or do you keep to yourself?

Well, my oldest made out ok yesterday. Once I got her home we sat down and had a long talk about the entire situation. She's at camp with several girls that she knows but not girls she would hang out with outside of camp. A couple of these girls she's known for a long, long time. These two girls in particular dress very boyish, they wear boys shorts, long t-shirts. They wear their hair long and in a pony tail. That's their style, that's what they like. My daughter likes to dress more girlish. She wears girls shorts and no, they are not booty shorts, she doesn't own a pair. She has long hair but likes to wear it up in this twisty kind of way that alot of the girls like. She's starting to like make up but doesn't wear too much because I don't allow her too and she doesn't need it. I know that I am biased but she is a pretty girl. She also looks a lot older than she is. She's changed a lot since the end of school, she's grown at least an inch in height and she's slimmed down. Well, these two girls are picking on her because she doesn't dress like them. They get in a huddle, talk about her, look at her and laugh and then try and suck up. If you're a girl, you know what I mean, you know the games girls play with each other.

I told her that she has to take back the power she has given those girls. If they are standing together, looking at her and laughing, she needs to turn her back to them or walk away if possible. They want her to stand there and watch them do that stuff, so it's time to not give them what they want.

This all started on Monday and carried over to Tuesday. Personally by Tuesday I would've been up in their faces, demanding they say it to my face but my daughter is not me. I wouldn't be surprised though if she reaches a breaking point and does end up losing it.

I swear though I feel like I'm 13 again, you know? It's amazing how very little has changed in how girls treat each other. I'm 34 so it's been awhile since I was 13 but it was just like that back then. I can remember how hard it was going through all that and watching her go through this just brings it back so vividly.

It also brings out that mamma bear instinct. I so want to tell her to say all these nasty things to those girls but everything I want to say is totally inappropriate. I'd love to be her for a week, I'd go on a mission and take care of all the crap.

But I can't. Instead I have to sit back and support her. I'd love to fight her battles for her but that wouldn't be helping her. I could let her stay home but she does love lacrosse and if she stays home, she's letting them take away something she enjoys. She can't let them do that, that's what they want. But it's so hard, I feel like I'm sending her into the lions den. Honestly though, she needs to learn to deal with this because she's a pretty girl with alot going for her so there will be girls that don't like her.

I dropped her off this morning, she was fine, we went over the different ways she could deal with things. We got there early and when I left she was in a big group passing the ball around. The mean girls didn't arrive until I was in my van ready to leave which is kinda funny, think that was God's way of keeping those huzzies out of my sight? I would never have said anything but I can't say that I wouldn't have shot a dirty look or two.

I'm having a Tupperware party tonight which I'm deeply regretting. Between work and getting kids to and from camp, I've barely been home. I don't even know who is coming. Watch it only be like one person or something. I could kick myself for doing it this week.

I guess everyone will just have to look past the dust.

Glad to see Blogger is working today, I was unable to get to my blog yesterday.

As you can see we are back safe and sound from our vacation. I absolutely loved the Outer Banks and plan on going back next year. We stayed in Duck, NC which is one of the northern towns. Our house was ocean side so the walk to the beach was minimal. We also had our own pool and hot tub which we all enjoyed daily. The weather was awesome even though we were under a tropical storm watch for a couple of days. Not a drop of rain though just bad rip tides. We didn't even go to the beach on Wednesday because of it and on Thursday a lady broke her leg trying to get out of the water. The waves were terrible and it was hard to get back on shore. I liked being in Duck because it was quiet but still close to some shops. The farther south you go the less there is but it was all beautiful. The water there is an awesome blue green. The ocean up here is murkier and dirtier, down there it's so clean, like it should be! We took a day trip all the way to Hatteras. JR and son climbed the lighthouse there and then we went farther down to take the ferry to Ocracoke Island. There really isn't anything to do on Ocracoke but it was still neat to go there. We ate dinner at Howard's Pub and then caught the ferry back.

All in all it was a good vacation.

JR had more blood tests and he does not have diabetes though he is being cautioned to watch his sugar intake from here on out.

All the kids are in camp this week. Oldest and son are at lacrosse camp and youngest is at Girl Scouts camp. Everyone is doing fine except the oldest. I'm sitting here with my stomach in knots over her. I just don't know how to help her. She's at this camp with several girls that she knows, that were on her team this year. Now these girls aren't who she wouldn't hang around outside of lacrosse but they are girls she's known for years. A couple of them can be catty. When I picked her up yesterday she said several times camp was fun. Later on she said that a couple of girls were making comments but nothing too bad. This morning she was fine until we got there. Most of the girls came together in one car just because most of the mothers work so they have someone else bring them. My daughter started to cry a little, it caught me off guard because I thought she was ok. I took her back to the van and she told me that all the girls had left her out yesterday, etc, etc. She had never said that one time to me last night or this morning.

Now I know girls are clickish, I know girls will leave other girls out. Been there, done that. But I also know that my daughter is super sensitive and takes things personally, things that aren't even meant to be taken that way. Sometimes she honestly thinks that people are scheming to do things to upset her. She is paranoid. I know at her age fitting in with a group is very important but sometimes you have to step out to fit in. You can't expect people to consider your feelings, if they are in a circle passing the ball, step in the circle and pass too. She thinks they should ask her and if they don't ask, then they don't like her when really it's probably that they just didn't think to ask. Sometimes I wonder if the other girls consider her standoffish or too high maintenance. I mean, it is hard being around someone that is too sensitive.

Of course then I wonder if it's something that I've done or haven't done as her mother for her to be so insecure. And I'm frustrated because I don't know how to help her and I'm tired too, it's mentally draining to have to talk her off the edge like I do. How do I make her see that not everyone is out to get her?

Another problem is I don't know how much of this is truth or her just being paranoid. I do know how mean girls can be, I remember it so I can't totally discount what she's saying. But then I also know how she can be too. I think she brings alot of this on herself by not including herself, by not stepping out and being friendly. If she's standing off, looking sour and hateful no one will approach her. I encourage her all the time to just be friendly, that people are drawn to that. If she does step out and try to speak to someone and she doesn't get the reaction she expects, she immediately thinks the person doesn't like her.

I worry about her future so much. I worry that she'll be alone if she keeps on. I don't know what to do or how to help her. I fear that she will find the acceptance she craves with boys just like I did. I'm seeing some of that now, I've had to take her cell phone away because of it.

We are all born with different personalities and such. Some people are loners, others love being around lots of people. Some are more serious, others happy go lucky. You are who you are. I don't want to change her, I just want to help her. How do I help her like herself, to have good self esteem? How do I help her if I've never had good self esteem? How do you help someone if you've never been able to help yourself?

Have I pushed my insecurities on her in some way? Is that why she's like this? It makes me ill to think that may be the case.

I hate not knowing what to do. I feel helpless because I fear that this is something I can't change.

Just found out that my husband may have diabetes. He had a physical this morning and had sugar in his urine and his glucose level was high. He does have a big family history of diabetes.

It's hard to believe that my thin, active husband at 37 years of age may have this.

Anyone got any experience with diabetes and following the diabetic diet?

Why oh why do people not keep the speed limit? I know I drive a bit fast at times but I at least want to do the speed limit, not 10 miles under. It seems like every time I'm on the road, I get behind someone like that. Maybe I'm supposed to be learning patience?

I'm totally stressing out now that I'm leaving in 2 days. Last night we were asked to come up to the local fireman's carnival and help out at a booth our boys lacrosse team is having as a fundraiser. I wanted to just say no but I want to help out so off we went. Tonight is the parade and the boys are having a float so of course we'll be up there so our son can participate and of course, they have asked us to help with the booth. I told them Friday was out, I'm going to be busting my butt getting things ready to leave at the god forsaken hour of 5:30am which means I will be up by 4:00am. 4:00am!!!

Last night older daughter's "boyfriend" showed up at the carnival which her brother loudly announced to her daddy, aren't little brothers wonderful? Of course the poor boy barely came near her because her daddy was by her side the whole time, on purpose I think, lol.

I won't be posting again until the 24th or so. When I come back I hope to be tan and well rested. The tanned part is pretty much a given, the well rested part is a toss up.

Well, I have a million and one things to get done today so I'd better get started. Don't miss me too much.

We've decided to leave at 5:30am on Saturday. Not get up at 5:30, but leave by 5:30. I usually only see 5:30 once a day and that's the PM one! But I'd rather leave early and beat the traffic. We won't be able to get into our place until 3pm or so but we're just going to hang out at the beach.

I forgot to mention about the family day thing last night. We were so busy getting our lists straight and getting directions that I just didn't think of it. We've decided to take the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel and go that way. The tunnel is kinda creepy, we took it last year to Busch Gardens. I had never been through it before.

I'm off to Walmart after work. I hate going there. It seems like whenever I go, they are always putting products on the shelves and you can never get through. Can't they stock later at night when it's not so busy? I've also noticed that some of the employees won't move out of the way for you either. I had a group of 3 standing completely acrosse an aisle, they were chatting and saw me coming. They never moved, kept talking so I stopped right up to them. They still did not move. They would not move until I said excuse me and then they acted like it was a huge deal to do so. Just step aside, that's all I wanted. I so wanted to like run the cart over one of their feet.

I just hope this vacation goes well. I'm worried that my son will feel left out or be bored with all those girls. He is used to spending most of his time with girls because he spends a lot of time with his sisters. We don't live in a community and due to that my kids play with each other. It's not like they can just go down the street and play with friends. Sometimes I wonder if I should have their friends come over more often but for right now it's been ok. I think as they grow older my house will fill up with all their friends. At least I hope so. But anyway, I think JR will just have to do things with him like go fishing, throw the lacrosse ball.

I want to have a nice, relaxing week but I'm trying not to get too excited about going away. I don't want their to be this big let down. I know that sounds negative, it is negative. I guess that's kinda how I think most of the time which is sad. Expect the worst, hope for the best.

I was checking the weather for the Outer Banks, looks like the rip tides are pretty bad. I hope that calms down before we get there.

Not much else is going on, I need to make several phone calls and get a bill in the mail so my fil doesn't freak so I'd better motor.

I leave for vacation this Saturday. I've spent so many months waiting for July 15th to get here, now I can't believe it's so close. Tonight we are getting together with the other family we are going with so we can get everything straight. I think we are planning to leave early, we've been told by several people that we need to get down there by lunch time no later because the traffic is so bad.

I've been married for almost 14 years so JR and I have been on several vacations through that time. This is the first time ever that he has said he can't wait to go, that he really needs a break. Things here at work have been crazy, we are trying to start a new house but with all the rain it's been hard. We dig the basement, it rains and floods the hole, then it caves in so we have to dig it back out. Then it rains again. We're actually pouring concrete there today, thank God. But then on top of everything else, the guy who was going to be the foreman for that job, doesn't want to be foreman anymore. He says it's too stressful to be foreman. So that means JR will have to do it. All our other foremen have jobs in progress right now so we can't pull them. JR is very frustrated because this kind of thing always happens every time his dad is trying to get him more into the business part of things, not the building part of things. This has happend several times over the past 5 years, I'm starting to wonder if it's happening for a reason.

But either way, JR is ready to go away. His parents will be leaving for their Alaskan cruise before we get back so he won't see his parents for 3 weeks. Of course his father is all stressed because we are about to leave which he does every year, he also stresses out when he's about to leave. So I'm just staying at my desk for the rest of this week and keeping to myself.

I'm hoping this vacation goes well. We've never gone away with another family for an entire week. I feel bad for my son, he'll be the only boy amongst 4 girls. He's always the only boy. I think I'm going to mention tonight that if they want to have a family day that we won't be offended. But then I'm afraid I'll offend them if I say that. I mean, maybe they want to spend everyday with us or something.

We're also going to plan a long weekend at Hershey Park in August. I love that place. I don't ride rides but I just love Hershey Park. It's so family friendly.

My sister found out on Friday that she's going to be a step-grandmother. Her stepson and his girlfriend are having a baby. They planned it too and have no plans to get married. It's so weird to think of my sister as a grandmother, I laugh every time I think about it.

I'm getting a manicure and a pedicure today. I need both badly, my feet are looking a bit rough and I can't go on vacation like that. Plus I need to make sure both my fingers and toes have the same color. I'm anal that way.

What's up with the gas prices? They have risen 16 cents in 2 weeks. It figures with us traveling all the way to Duck, NC. Grrr...

Val - I just want to thank you for your words of encouragement. You always make so much sense and I always feel better after your comments. You have a way of breaking things down so that I can see why I'm feeling the way I do.

Well, I need to go earn my paycheck and stay out of my fil's way.

I'm not feeling very inspired today so I know this post will be full of complaints. I warn you now.

I have so many feelings running around in my head that I don't know where to begin or if I can begin. Mainly because I hate to sound whiney or hateful. But truthfully, that's just how I feel. Hateful.

I can't put my finger on a single reason for feeling this way. I was going along good and then wham, I was taken over by the hateful bug. Or maybe this hatefulness is always within me and just rears it's ugly head from time to time.

I know that I feel like so much in my life is beyond my control. I don't like that. Intellectually I know that all things work out, sooner or later. But I am my mother's daughter and I don't like feeling like my life is out of my control.

I also know that the task of raising three children has overwhelmed me lately. It's not really raising all three of them that has become harder, it's mostly with my oldest but I will have 3 teenagers at once before long and that is what overwhelms me. I need to just take it one day at a time.

I'm angry with my husband. It's not that he's done something wrong, he's just being him. He's a good guy, he works hard but he really doesn't have a clue half the time. I often wonder if he loses sleep over the changes in our daughter, if he lays there worrying like I do. I doubt it.

Sometimes I wish I were him. I wish that I could get up in the morning and be responsible for only myself. I wish that I could come and go pretty much as I'd like to without it not being one big hassle. I wonder what it's like to be him. He doesn't have to worry about the kids like I do.

And that makes me mad.

But this is a situation of my own making. I can blame no one but myself ultimately. Of course he was going to let me take control, that makes his life easier. The thing is I don't ever remember making the decision for things to be this way. It mainly happened because I chose to stay at home so of course the kids and the house would be primarily my job. But now that I work outside the home, I don't have the time to devote to the house, especially with keeping the kids and their schedules straight. So in order to get the house straight, I would have to neglect the kids somewhat and I don't want to do that. Or I could just try and do it all (like I have been) and lose my mind in the process.

I'm tired of running myself ragged and not having any time for myself. He gets time for himself. It's sad that I have to go to work in order to sit still and have some peace and quiet.

Right now my house is a mess. My laundry is piled up and I have absolutely no desire to take care of any of it. But I hate how the place looks which then makes me hateful.

I know I need an attitude change. I really don't see this changing any. He's only going to get busier. The kids are going to keep growing older and getting busier.

And here I'll still be sitting. Overwhelmed and stressed.

I look out for my kids, that's my job as a parent. But you know, I look out for my husband too. But you know what else, no one looks out for me. No one. No one bothers to notice if I'm tired or if I need a hand. It's like I don't exist or my feelings don't exist.

Maybe because I hide my feelings well. I do. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve. Usually I'll just bottle it up and then let loose when the pressure is too much.

I think it's normal for us as women to feel taken advantage of. I sometimes wonder if he even sees all that I do in order to make his life easier. But who makes my life easier?

I used to feel so resentful of him and I tried very hard to work through all that. Here I sit though feeling like that again.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to be around him. I'm too irritated.

Right now we're here in the office together and we've barely had a conversation since he came in. The one we did have, he pissed me off and he knows he pissed me off so he'll avoid me now.

Whatever.

I told you I was hateful.

No four day weekend here for me. I have dragged myself here to the office this morning, literally. We were at parties yesterday from 1pm to 11pm. The kids swam, we all got sunburn but it was fun. I'm just so tired right now. Ugh.

I want to thank you for all your words of wisdom after my last post. I guess I'm feeling better about everything. I just have to take one day at a time and not look at the big picture. Plus I have to take comfort in knowing that God has a plan and it will all work out somehow, maybe not how I'd like it to but that's how it is sometimes.

Younger daughter loved Girl Scout camp last week, she hated for it to be over. She was so cute hugging all her new friends good bye.

This week my son has lacrosse camp from Wednesday to Saturday, thankfully right here in town where I work so it will be easy. Next week we have no camps, we'll just be getting ready for vacation!!!!

I am so ready to be on the beach, I'm praying for good weather. I've been told the water is much cleaner at the Outer Banks than here so that will be nice.

I don't know whether you've seen on the news that we've had some major flooding here in Maryland. On Saturday I took the kids to a local beach, one that I grew up swimming at, I hadn't been there in about 4 years. This beach is on the Chesapeake Bay. I packed us a lunch, a cooler full of drinks and we set off for a day at the beach. We get there and the entire shore line is full of logs, trash, sticks and then I read the signs-swimming not advised, water has been tested and found to have raw sewage, animal waste and bacteria. YUCK. So, the kids played in the sand and we ate our lunch and headed home. Very disappointing. But with all the flooding and they opened some of the gates of the Conawingo Dam, I should've known it would be bad. It looked like after a hurricane though it was that bad.

I'm off to get some billing done if I can manage to think straight. Time for some caffeine.