First off I want to thank both momxtwo and Val for your kind comments the other day.
I've been thinking alot about going back to church because I do miss it. And I thought maybe if I put some of my reasons that I stopped going, maybe I could get some feedback.
My beliefs have never changed in that I believe in God and Jesus, that has never been the problem.
I've always struggled with never feeling like I was good enough, that I was always sinning so why bother. It's like I can never get it right, I lose my patience, say things I shouldn't, think bad thoughts, etc.
The next thing is my husband does not and has no desire to go to church. He would never stop me from going or the kids from going. He just doesn't want any part of it. And because of that, my home isn't the kind of home that families where everyone attends and holds the same beliefs. Not that he is an atheist, he believes in God, he just doesn't feel church is important. His sister has turned him off more by being very judgmental with her holier than thou attitude, honestly it turns me off. But I do feel set apart from most people who attend church, I guess because my home won't be like theirs.
Those were my two main issues before my mom died. After her death, I just shut down. I was angry at God for taking her and I just stopped seeking Him. I stopped praying, I stopped going to church. I tried going back but I felt nothing, I didn't want to sing songs of praise because I was angry. I didn't want to pray because why bother? God will do what He wants.
I also struggle with all the man made rules that Christian make. Like not being able to play cards or dance. I don't understand that. I don't have a problem with Halloween mainly because I don't make it an evil thing, my kids just view it as an opportunity to dress up and get candy, there's no evil in that. I don't understand how you can be against Halloween but have a Christmas tree which if I'm correct (and I'm not saying that I am), the Christmas tree was a pagan tradition. It's like there are so many rules that don't make sense and because I wasn't in aggreement with those rules, that set me apart. Just like with the Harry Potter books and movies, my kids aren't into them but I wouldn't discourage it. It's just fiction, no different than Star Wars. I have a friend that wouldn't let her children have Pokemon cards because they are considered pocket monsters and that's wrong. To me that's just craziness.
I guess I want to focus more on raising my children to have good morals, to trust God in everything. I'm more concerned with keeping my kids away from MTV, R rated movies than Harry Potter. I'm more concerned with who their friends are than Halloween.
And I know I've been judged for that but I also know that I will always be judged by someone for something.
I guess I need to find a way to just ignore all that because I do miss church, I miss being surrounded by people that have the same basic beliefs as I do. But more importantly, I miss God. I miss that relationship but I'm just not sure if I can ever really go back, not how I was before anyway.
I would love to hear your input on this and I hope I haven't offended anyone because that is not my intention. I'm open to any advice, send people my way who you feel can add some insight.
I've been thinking alot about going back to church because I do miss it. And I thought maybe if I put some of my reasons that I stopped going, maybe I could get some feedback.
My beliefs have never changed in that I believe in God and Jesus, that has never been the problem.
I've always struggled with never feeling like I was good enough, that I was always sinning so why bother. It's like I can never get it right, I lose my patience, say things I shouldn't, think bad thoughts, etc.
The next thing is my husband does not and has no desire to go to church. He would never stop me from going or the kids from going. He just doesn't want any part of it. And because of that, my home isn't the kind of home that families where everyone attends and holds the same beliefs. Not that he is an atheist, he believes in God, he just doesn't feel church is important. His sister has turned him off more by being very judgmental with her holier than thou attitude, honestly it turns me off. But I do feel set apart from most people who attend church, I guess because my home won't be like theirs.
Those were my two main issues before my mom died. After her death, I just shut down. I was angry at God for taking her and I just stopped seeking Him. I stopped praying, I stopped going to church. I tried going back but I felt nothing, I didn't want to sing songs of praise because I was angry. I didn't want to pray because why bother? God will do what He wants.
I also struggle with all the man made rules that Christian make. Like not being able to play cards or dance. I don't understand that. I don't have a problem with Halloween mainly because I don't make it an evil thing, my kids just view it as an opportunity to dress up and get candy, there's no evil in that. I don't understand how you can be against Halloween but have a Christmas tree which if I'm correct (and I'm not saying that I am), the Christmas tree was a pagan tradition. It's like there are so many rules that don't make sense and because I wasn't in aggreement with those rules, that set me apart. Just like with the Harry Potter books and movies, my kids aren't into them but I wouldn't discourage it. It's just fiction, no different than Star Wars. I have a friend that wouldn't let her children have Pokemon cards because they are considered pocket monsters and that's wrong. To me that's just craziness.
I guess I want to focus more on raising my children to have good morals, to trust God in everything. I'm more concerned with keeping my kids away from MTV, R rated movies than Harry Potter. I'm more concerned with who their friends are than Halloween.
And I know I've been judged for that but I also know that I will always be judged by someone for something.
I guess I need to find a way to just ignore all that because I do miss church, I miss being surrounded by people that have the same basic beliefs as I do. But more importantly, I miss God. I miss that relationship but I'm just not sure if I can ever really go back, not how I was before anyway.
I would love to hear your input on this and I hope I haven't offended anyone because that is not my intention. I'm open to any advice, send people my way who you feel can add some insight.
posted by TC at 10:32 AM
3 Comments:
I think you might need to shop around for different churches/denominations. Some believe in not dancing, but some Christian churches are not like that. My in-laws are both very Christian-minded people and they love a good hand of poker with the family!
Earlier this year, I felt a pull towards my church. I allowed myself to connect finally after going to services for several years and not trying to meet anyone. And, I'll never regret doing that as I'm getting to know some great people in such an accepting and open environment. I think it is good for my kids too--to meet other kids who are taught to love and accept everyone, despite our differences.
On your hubs too, my mother-in-law has always attended church while my father-in-law never did. She took her 4 kids and brought them up going to church. It was the same for me, but with my Dad. I don't think that is really that unusual at all.
Keep us posted with what you end up doing!
It's understandable that you "shut down" after your mom died, as I did the same (for many, many years). It's understandable that you have a hard time with some of the man-made rules of some churches out there.
What you said about not going to church because you are a sinner, so why bother, made me smile (I'm kind of paraphrasing what you said). All of us are sinners, so the churches would be empty if sinners didn't go. I'm guilty of so many sins - and because I am human, I know I will sin again. Going to church helps to give me strength and courage to do the right thing. It helps to keep me focused on God's love for me. It reinforces the values and beliefs which I have come to incorporate into my life as a result of going to church, studying the Bible, and accepting certain "rules" as God-made (such as the 10 Commandments).
I know this is something which you have struggled with for some time now. You've been through a lot, and you've had more than your fair share of pain. I'm with you during this journey, so please feel free to lean on me as you find your way.
Maybe you are at the wrong church? I felt a lot of those things and didn't like to go. I feel isolated by other moms because I don't go to church and have no plans to. My husband is Muslim and I know that if I were to let others know, they would turn their noses up not only at me but my kids too. There are Christians out there who feel the same way you do. You just have to keep looking for them. Best of luck to you.
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