I think I am in a funk. Actually, I know I am in a funk. I'm wanting to sleep all the time. My laundry is piling up, my house is a mess and I don't want to deal with any of it.
This usually happens with me when I'm overly stressed out and/or overwhelmed. And since I'm all about keeping it real, I have to admit I'm a lot of both. My jaws are aching because I'm clenching and grinding my teeth when I'm sleeping. I'm even catching myself clenching my teeth during the day.
It's probably a cumulation of things. I'm dreading the start of school but wanting it now at the same time. The kids are getting on each other's nerves, fighting over dumb things so I know it's time for them to get back into the school routine. But I dread the homework battles and all the stuff that will come when my oldest is in 8th grade.
I'm also worried about our sports schedules. Older daughter is playing field hockey in a neighboring town, about 20 minutes away while my son and younger daughter are playing soccer in our town. So depending on JR's work schedule, I know I'm going to have to ask for other people to help me out from time to time getting them to practices. I also just got younger daughter's new dance class schedule and she will now have dance class on Thursday evenings. I know that will interfere with soccer practices as well as her Brownie meetings. I wish that she had been kept in the Friday evening class, I even told her that Fridays were good for me. At least Brownies is only twice a month so I can work around that. It will mainly be soccer and I know her coach will be less than thrilled if she misses Thursdays. But she's been in dance now for 5 years and only played soccer for 2. Soccer only lasts through October so I'll just have to be juggling things for about 2 months.
But more than anything else, I'm worried about my husband and his work situation. His father is very serious about retiring and wants us to have a meeting once we get the kids back in school.
I feel guilty for feeling the way I do and I would never, ever tell my husband what I'm worried about because I know it would hurt him.
I just don't know how he's going to be able to do it. While his dad was gone last week, he was overwhelmed with what he had to do, there was so much to do. The whole time I'm thinking, how will you do it when it's all your responsibility? When you don't have anyone to fall back on?
He's not used to being in charge of that much, he's never had to multitask.
I don't know. I should have more faith in him and it's truly sad that I don't. He's always taken care of us. But things are about to change and I know that some fear is normal. He's excited about all this and here I sit, scared and uncertain.
I know he senses that something is wrong. I don't want to hurt his feelings so I say nothing. And because I'm remaining silent, I'm about to explode.
I also know that with all this change, more is going to be expected of me. And I just don't know how I'm going to be able to keep up with everything and not have my kids pay the price.
I know I'm not making much sense. My thoughts are all over the place, jumping from here to there. I just need to trust God and leave it to Him but you know, I don't do that often enough.
I've realized that I miss going to church. I wish that I had never walked away from that part of my life. My beliefs have not changed. I just couldn't go to church anymore, I was dealing with some things and I felt like a hypocrite. I guess now that I've worked through a lot, I've realized how empty my life has become. And now I don't know how I can go back.
I feel like I'm always running full tilt. Like I don't know how to just be calm, take my time. I'm always rushing, even when I don't need to be. I just want to slow down and enjoy the journey, does that make sense? But instead, I'm all worried and nervous, watching my life pass by and not even enjoying it. I mean, what's meant to be is going to happen regardless of how much I worry. I need to learn how to just let go and trust.
Yeah right. Trust. That's something I don't do. Not completely anyway.
Maybe I'm just high strung, I don't know but something has got to change. If I keep on like this, I'm going to end up with some serious health problems.
Are you a worrier? Or are you laid back, just taking life as it comes?
This usually happens with me when I'm overly stressed out and/or overwhelmed. And since I'm all about keeping it real, I have to admit I'm a lot of both. My jaws are aching because I'm clenching and grinding my teeth when I'm sleeping. I'm even catching myself clenching my teeth during the day.
It's probably a cumulation of things. I'm dreading the start of school but wanting it now at the same time. The kids are getting on each other's nerves, fighting over dumb things so I know it's time for them to get back into the school routine. But I dread the homework battles and all the stuff that will come when my oldest is in 8th grade.
I'm also worried about our sports schedules. Older daughter is playing field hockey in a neighboring town, about 20 minutes away while my son and younger daughter are playing soccer in our town. So depending on JR's work schedule, I know I'm going to have to ask for other people to help me out from time to time getting them to practices. I also just got younger daughter's new dance class schedule and she will now have dance class on Thursday evenings. I know that will interfere with soccer practices as well as her Brownie meetings. I wish that she had been kept in the Friday evening class, I even told her that Fridays were good for me. At least Brownies is only twice a month so I can work around that. It will mainly be soccer and I know her coach will be less than thrilled if she misses Thursdays. But she's been in dance now for 5 years and only played soccer for 2. Soccer only lasts through October so I'll just have to be juggling things for about 2 months.
But more than anything else, I'm worried about my husband and his work situation. His father is very serious about retiring and wants us to have a meeting once we get the kids back in school.
I feel guilty for feeling the way I do and I would never, ever tell my husband what I'm worried about because I know it would hurt him.
I just don't know how he's going to be able to do it. While his dad was gone last week, he was overwhelmed with what he had to do, there was so much to do. The whole time I'm thinking, how will you do it when it's all your responsibility? When you don't have anyone to fall back on?
He's not used to being in charge of that much, he's never had to multitask.
I don't know. I should have more faith in him and it's truly sad that I don't. He's always taken care of us. But things are about to change and I know that some fear is normal. He's excited about all this and here I sit, scared and uncertain.
I know he senses that something is wrong. I don't want to hurt his feelings so I say nothing. And because I'm remaining silent, I'm about to explode.
I also know that with all this change, more is going to be expected of me. And I just don't know how I'm going to be able to keep up with everything and not have my kids pay the price.
I know I'm not making much sense. My thoughts are all over the place, jumping from here to there. I just need to trust God and leave it to Him but you know, I don't do that often enough.
I've realized that I miss going to church. I wish that I had never walked away from that part of my life. My beliefs have not changed. I just couldn't go to church anymore, I was dealing with some things and I felt like a hypocrite. I guess now that I've worked through a lot, I've realized how empty my life has become. And now I don't know how I can go back.
I feel like I'm always running full tilt. Like I don't know how to just be calm, take my time. I'm always rushing, even when I don't need to be. I just want to slow down and enjoy the journey, does that make sense? But instead, I'm all worried and nervous, watching my life pass by and not even enjoying it. I mean, what's meant to be is going to happen regardless of how much I worry. I need to learn how to just let go and trust.
Yeah right. Trust. That's something I don't do. Not completely anyway.
Maybe I'm just high strung, I don't know but something has got to change. If I keep on like this, I'm going to end up with some serious health problems.
Are you a worrier? Or are you laid back, just taking life as it comes?
posted by TC at 7:55 AM
1 Comments:
I agree with momxtwo - getting back to church will help with so many of these other things which you brought up in this post, TC. Don't ever feel like you can't go back. It's never, ever too late - God always has His arms outstretched to us.
Also, how about breaking all of this down into smaller, more manageable issues - and then prioritize them, and do one thing at a time. Your schedule sounds overwhelming. Sit down with hubby and try to problem-solve some of the to-do list - perhaps he has some ideas which you've never thought of. Meet some of the other moms in these activities and make out a transportation schedule.
Finally, find some time for YOU. Your blog is aptly named. You need some time just for yourself, even if it means getting a sitter to watch the kids for a couple of hourse while you go and do something you totally enjoy.
I'll be keeping you in my thought and prayers.
Post a Comment
<< Home