I realized last night that the month of September is nearly over which means the holidays are fast approaching. I look forward to cooler weather, the colors that come with autumn, eating way too much on Thanksgiving and my children's excitement as Christmas draws near.
But the one thing I'm not looking forward to regarding the holidays is the situation with my father.
You know that he's been absent most of my life, coming around when it's good for him or when his wife lets him. I've never known anything different, it's always been this way. I had to come to a place of acceptance with all of it because it is what it is.
I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it does frustrate me. As I've grown older and made a life for myself that is full of people that want to spend time with me and my kids, the less I feel like making Dad spend time with us.
If my sister or I do not call and make plans with him, we don't see him. I'm not exaggerating, that is the total truth. If we don't make the effort, we would probably go years and not see him even though he lives 15 minutes from me. He makes no effort to see the kids or come to any of their sporting events or dance recitals. He never calls or comes by on any of our birthdays. Miss Moody's birthday was on the 9th, no card, nothing.
My sister has had a couple of dinners at her home, she called Dad, left a message on his machine and never heard back from him. He didn't show up at either dinner.
I saw him last week as we were entering the park to go to soccer practice. He was standing outside of the deli that is next to the entrance so I know he is alive and well. He didn't even come into the park to say hello.
I feel as though he is avoiding us. Maybe because of that lawyer calling me looking for him, maybe he thinks I'm going to confront him about it or something. Not that I would. I don't want to know anything, it's none of my business. But he is the type to just run and hide from this kind of thing rather then just facing something uncomfortable head on and getting it over with.
Either way, I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of having to be the one who always reaches out. I mean, how many more times can I put myself out there, you know? I'm tired of feeling like I make him spend time with me, it's always been that way and I'm sick of it. I don't need that anymore.
I wish him well, I don't hate him, he is who he is and that's all good. So I've decided that this holiday season I'm not calling him to get together, if he wants to see us he can pick up the phone. I'm going to enjoy my children and spend time with my family that wants us around.
What would you do?
But the one thing I'm not looking forward to regarding the holidays is the situation with my father.
You know that he's been absent most of my life, coming around when it's good for him or when his wife lets him. I've never known anything different, it's always been this way. I had to come to a place of acceptance with all of it because it is what it is.
I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it does frustrate me. As I've grown older and made a life for myself that is full of people that want to spend time with me and my kids, the less I feel like making Dad spend time with us.
If my sister or I do not call and make plans with him, we don't see him. I'm not exaggerating, that is the total truth. If we don't make the effort, we would probably go years and not see him even though he lives 15 minutes from me. He makes no effort to see the kids or come to any of their sporting events or dance recitals. He never calls or comes by on any of our birthdays. Miss Moody's birthday was on the 9th, no card, nothing.
My sister has had a couple of dinners at her home, she called Dad, left a message on his machine and never heard back from him. He didn't show up at either dinner.
I saw him last week as we were entering the park to go to soccer practice. He was standing outside of the deli that is next to the entrance so I know he is alive and well. He didn't even come into the park to say hello.
I feel as though he is avoiding us. Maybe because of that lawyer calling me looking for him, maybe he thinks I'm going to confront him about it or something. Not that I would. I don't want to know anything, it's none of my business. But he is the type to just run and hide from this kind of thing rather then just facing something uncomfortable head on and getting it over with.
Either way, I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of having to be the one who always reaches out. I mean, how many more times can I put myself out there, you know? I'm tired of feeling like I make him spend time with me, it's always been that way and I'm sick of it. I don't need that anymore.
I wish him well, I don't hate him, he is who he is and that's all good. So I've decided that this holiday season I'm not calling him to get together, if he wants to see us he can pick up the phone. I'm going to enjoy my children and spend time with my family that wants us around.
What would you do?
posted by TC at 7:35 AM
4 Comments:
I'm so sorry things are that way with your Dad. In all honesty, I could see why you're tired of trying and probably even more tired of answering questions from your kid as to where he is and why he never comes around. You have kids, a business, and a busy life. Your Dad needs to be the one to make the effort here...after all you've done that your whole life it sounds like. Time to let him do a little work...
And, if he does not immediately, maybe he will over time. Just plan the best holiday you can without thinking about him and I hope that thinks work out in a way that makes YOU the most happy.
I think I would do that too. Tough call, and depends on what you think his reaction would be... would he get all depressed? If not, don't call him.
I don't know what Dad's reaction would be if I just didn't contact him over the holidays. Part of me wonders if it would be relief, I don't know, I've always felt like a burden to him.
I do know that his wife has a lot to do with this as well. Not that I'm blaming her because Dad makes his own choices. But she certainly doesn't encourage him to be close to us, it's like she feels threatened by us or something which is completely ridiculous.
I'm just so tired of feeling this way.
I can understand your being so tired of always having to inniate the visits. Maybe it is because of his wife being jealous. Regardless, he is a grown man and can make his own decisions.
I am so sorry you have to go through this, especially for your kids; they don't understand. You got to do what makes YOU happy.
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