Well, I guess this feeling of discontentment or unease was justified.
Things are about to change a lot in my life.
No, I'm NOT pregnant.
Looks like my fil is getting serious about retiring. Which means hubby will be taking over the business. I knew this was coming at some point but just not right now.
I wish I were happier about it.
Instead I'm scared and worried. The potential to make a lot of money is there but the potential to make nothing is there as well. And it's not like I have a career that we could rely on as things change.
I don't like uncertainty. I like knowing that I have a paycheck coming every Thursday, that we have health insurance.
I also know that this will only take my husband away from us, he'll be even more busy and now is when I need his help the most. Getting the kids to and from things is becoming a challenge for me alone. I guess I'll have to rely on other people to do help me out but I hate to do that.
We have a well established business here, we have work year round which a lot of builders don't have. But what if that changes when my fil retires? Granted my husband is just as picky about the quality of our work as his father, that won't be the problem. My husband has never had to run anything before, he's used to someone else always taking care of things. I take care of the house, the bills, our schedules. He rarely makes any decisions and not because I don't ask him to because I do, well at least I used to but after hearing I don't know a million times I just do it all on my own.
You can't tell your customers I don't know. Maybe he'll be different with this. Maybe when the crutch is gone, he'll step up and do it no problem.
I also think about how I'll have to work more. It's not that I don't want to work, I just don't want to be away from home too much. I pretty much told him that we would have to get me set up at home with all the programs I use here at work so I can do things at home.
I feel my life changing around me and I'm helpless to stop it. We all are helpless in some ways, life moves on regardless. But some things you can control. This I can't, it's happening whether I'm ready, whether I like it or not.
I don't like feeling helpless. Maybe you think I'm being silly. Maybe you don't see this as something to feel helpless about. Maybe for anyone else, it wouldn't be.
But for me, when my husband comes to me and tells me what's happening and when I have a million questions and all he says is-I Don't Know-what am I supposed to feel? He keeps telling me everything will be fine, my fil isn't just going to up and leave next week. He's going to cut back a little and let him take over. And it's not that I have ever had to worry about my husband not providing for us because he always has.
This is different though. I hate not having complete faith in him. He could very well just take off with this and blossom. But the thing is, I don't know if he will.
I know that I disappointed him with my reaction. I could tell he was excited and I just shot him down. And usually after something like this happens, I always try and work it out with him after I've calmed down. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't this time and this is one time that I really should have because I really did react strongly, I was in tears which I never do, not in front of him anyway. He even said that he hadn't seen me like that in a long, long time.
I would never hold him back though. He's wanted this for a long time. I just hope and pray it all goes the way he wants it to.
I just pray that I can get a grip and get on with it.
Things are about to change a lot in my life.
No, I'm NOT pregnant.
Looks like my fil is getting serious about retiring. Which means hubby will be taking over the business. I knew this was coming at some point but just not right now.
I wish I were happier about it.
Instead I'm scared and worried. The potential to make a lot of money is there but the potential to make nothing is there as well. And it's not like I have a career that we could rely on as things change.
I don't like uncertainty. I like knowing that I have a paycheck coming every Thursday, that we have health insurance.
I also know that this will only take my husband away from us, he'll be even more busy and now is when I need his help the most. Getting the kids to and from things is becoming a challenge for me alone. I guess I'll have to rely on other people to do help me out but I hate to do that.
We have a well established business here, we have work year round which a lot of builders don't have. But what if that changes when my fil retires? Granted my husband is just as picky about the quality of our work as his father, that won't be the problem. My husband has never had to run anything before, he's used to someone else always taking care of things. I take care of the house, the bills, our schedules. He rarely makes any decisions and not because I don't ask him to because I do, well at least I used to but after hearing I don't know a million times I just do it all on my own.
You can't tell your customers I don't know. Maybe he'll be different with this. Maybe when the crutch is gone, he'll step up and do it no problem.
I also think about how I'll have to work more. It's not that I don't want to work, I just don't want to be away from home too much. I pretty much told him that we would have to get me set up at home with all the programs I use here at work so I can do things at home.
I feel my life changing around me and I'm helpless to stop it. We all are helpless in some ways, life moves on regardless. But some things you can control. This I can't, it's happening whether I'm ready, whether I like it or not.
I don't like feeling helpless. Maybe you think I'm being silly. Maybe you don't see this as something to feel helpless about. Maybe for anyone else, it wouldn't be.
But for me, when my husband comes to me and tells me what's happening and when I have a million questions and all he says is-I Don't Know-what am I supposed to feel? He keeps telling me everything will be fine, my fil isn't just going to up and leave next week. He's going to cut back a little and let him take over. And it's not that I have ever had to worry about my husband not providing for us because he always has.
This is different though. I hate not having complete faith in him. He could very well just take off with this and blossom. But the thing is, I don't know if he will.
I know that I disappointed him with my reaction. I could tell he was excited and I just shot him down. And usually after something like this happens, I always try and work it out with him after I've calmed down. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't this time and this is one time that I really should have because I really did react strongly, I was in tears which I never do, not in front of him anyway. He even said that he hadn't seen me like that in a long, long time.
I would never hold him back though. He's wanted this for a long time. I just hope and pray it all goes the way he wants it to.
I just pray that I can get a grip and get on with it.
posted by TC at 11:09 AM
3 Comments:
Try to be optimistic! Attitude is half the battle!
If you don't make him feel like you have confidence im him, he wont have it in himself. Our husbands need that. It is almost like dealing with kids. You would never tell your kid that you don't think they can ride a bike. You encourage them. Do that for your husband. You will get it back from him. That being said, you have the right be feel fear. Change is oh so scary but in a few years you will look back and see that everything worked out just fine. Please try to stay positive and roll along with it. You guys can do this.
I've been in this situation a couple of times in my marriage. Looking back, my fears and anxieties were my own worst enemy. Letting go and letting God take control is so hard, but it's the only way you'll be able to get through this. I shall keep you in my prayers.
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